"You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness and into his marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9
Do you imagine that worldly men suffer little or nothing? Ask the most wealthy and you will not find it so.
But, you may say, they enjoy many pleasures, and follow their own desires; in this way they make light of any troubles. Yet, even if they enjoy whatever they desire, how long will this last? The rich of this world will vanish like smoke, and no memory of their past pleasures will remain. But even in their lifetime they do not enjoy them without bitterness, weariness, and fear, for the very things whence they derive their pleasures often carry with them the seeds of sorrow. And this is but just; for having sought and followed pleasures to excess, they may not enjoy them without shame and bitterness. Ah, how short-lived and false, how disorderly and base are all these pleasures! Yet so besotted and blind are such persons that, like dumb beasts, they bring death to their souls for the trivial enjoyments of this corruptible life! My son, do not follow your lusts and do not be self willed. Delight in the Lord and he will grant your heart’s desire.
-- Christ speaking to the Disciple, The Inner Life
I love being with my family and hanging out with people. In theory, I also like traveling. But in reality, I don’t know... I really do like to have my things around me to organize and cultivate. When I am away, I feel like my hypothetical garden doesn’t get tended, my hypothetical children don’t get raised, and my hypothetical dog doesn’t get walked and loved sufficiently. I need to continue to grow and cultivate my things. That is why I like don’t really enjoy traveling all that much. And I think I would like it even less if my “stuff” traveled with me without being rooted in a geographical place, like in an RV. I really like the idea of building and maintaining and improving a home and developing my ideas, surroundings, and belongings.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,
compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Colossians 3:12
He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord
require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk
humbly with your God? Micah 6:8
The character quality of kindness is one of the most rare and the most valuable. We often assume this quality in people around us, but that can be deceiving. This is because the people we “like” and spend time with are nice to us, naturally. “Even the pagans…love those who love them.” It is an entirely different character trait to harbor internal kindness toward those who are not our friends and those whom we do not approve.
Kindness is also a slippery concept. What does it exactly mean? Is it like “niceness” or “charity?” Here are a few verbs that get closer to the true meaning which I am trying to pin down in this blog post: “Good will; benignity; grace; tenderness; compassion; humanity; clemency; gentleness; goodness; generosity; beneficence; favor.” Another well fitting synonym is “big-heartedness.”
When I looked up all of the quotes on kindness I could find online, most of them deal with reciprocity: repay kindness for kindness. Or about specific acts of kindness. But I am more interested in the inner state of the heart, the charity and good will that resides there. It is not about other people, though it affects other people, it is about one’s internal heart and will condition. I want to be generous in my thoughts and love and good-will toward everyone. Both my friends and strangers.
This is one of the most attractive things about Jesus, in my opinion. I would have followed Him around Galilee if I was a little girl growing up in that time period. I would have melted and loved to see him help the lame, the blind, the feeble, the sick, and the weak. His heart of kindness is so generous and meek, and his love for the children is so stirring. I want to approach every other person with this kindness. Not only externally, but internally most of all.
I am spending a little over two weeks in California. I will be attending a staff conference next week in Yosemite, which will be a wonderful trek into nature. The rest of the time I will be able to visit with my family and see friends that I see all too seldom. Talking to them face to face will be such a blessing.
I also hope to make progress on my school work at the library at the university where my father works, and get through many of the books I am reading.
I just finished “Atonement Child” by Francine Rivers which is a very compelling, thorough, and compassionate novel that discusses the issue of abortion from almost every single angle that people struggle with. The abortionist is a compassionate, do-good doctor who wants to atone for his sisters’ death from an illegal, botched abortion. The protagonist is a victim of rape, and her mother and grandmother both had abortions for different reasons. The economic insecurity, an oft cited justification for abortion is given its due consideration, as the protagonist is a broke college student with unsupportive parents, and no father in the picture. She is also deserted by her picture-perfect legalistic fiancé when she is raped and found to be pregnant. The story was compelling because it painted the issue from almost every angle and line of argument I have heard, and put a human face to everyone, including the abortionist. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has come into contact in any way, shape, or form, with the issue of abortion. I have learned so much about this issue since I have committed to praying to end abortion in our country, and it is all handled beautifully and redemptively in the Francine Rivers novel.
I am also reading Jesus of Nazareth Volume I, which looks carefully at Jesus’s life from his Baptism to his transfiguration. I would like to finish most of this (I am in the middle of the Sermon on the Mount) so I can start Volume II, the Passion narratives, when I get back. I am reading it with a friend, and I am so excited to work through the Lord’s life on earth. The book looks at who Jesus is through the lens of the entire Bible, Old and New Testament. Most books on the life and teachings of Jesus just utilize the Gospels, rather than drawing on the Old Testament and the Law, Prophets, and Psalms which he not only came to fulfill, but was also intensely aware of as a Jewish man.
I am also reading a book about the life and writings of Saint Bernadette. I am doing this for an important reason, and am not sure what I will come to think when I am finished. I decided to read about her after I visited a monastery in DC for some quiet prayer time and a beautiful respite from busy Capitol Hill. I enjoyed seeing the recreations of the Holy Land, such as replicas of Jesus’s tomb, the Temple Mount, and other things I can’t remember. But the largest and main attraction other than the beautiful church was a replica of a grotto where Mary allegedly appeared to a young woman. I didn’t know anything about this story. Upon further investigation, it appears that it was Mary appearing to a young, uneducated French peasant named Bernadette, and the apparition appeared to Bernadette eighteen times in the 1850s in the French town of Lourdes.
I don’t know what I think about this. I don’t think it is impossible—nothing is impossible for God—but I was very curious to know what kind of person would be graced with such a visitation. So I decided to read about who Bernadette is, what personality and convictions, habits, and disciplines she had, and what mindset she maintained. Then I can better grasp what to think about it. Why would Mary appear to someone like her? So I decided to read her primary source writings to see what kind of person she was.
In my cursory investigation of this issue from before I started the book, I do know these two things from the Bible: 1. When the dead rise, they will be like the angels in heaven (Mark 12:25). 2. Angels sometimes appear to humans in Scripture (too often to cite specific examples). So I do think it is possible for Christians who have died to possibly appear to humans living on earth, but I can’t say anything more concrete than that. Samuel appeared to Saul after his death; during the transfiguration, Moses and Elijah were present and appeared to Peter, James and John. That’s all I know. Maybe I will have more thoughts on the topic after I finish the book.
Some people may challenge me for looking so deeply into these distracting topics, as they are not essential or centrally important for faith and belief. I don’t, however, think they are rabbit trails or academic. It gets to the foundation of how God speaks to his people. Is it only through the written Word? Is it only through the written Word and individually in our own personal hearts? Or is it through the written word, personal interactions with God, and a multiplicity of other ways that are limited only by our understanding and acceptance of it? I want to know and hear and experience God in every way that He wants to speak to me. That is why this is important to me.
Certain other people whom I have great respect for, and a whole worldwide Church denomination believe that God was conveying something very important in this incident with Bernadette and Mary. I am just trying to see what might be the big deal, and use wisdom and discernment (without Hubris) when making a determination about its meaning for my life.
“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part;then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.”(1 Corinthians 13:12)
I confess to fearing the unknown. I am sure a lot of people feel this way. But I can turn a normal tendency into something extreme. I am not good at “casting all of my anxieties upon [God] because He cares for me.” (1 Peter 5:7). Instead, my wild and compelling imagination takes over. And I descend into vain imaginings. This is sinful! Why don’t I see that? Even more, it is telling God that I don’t trust that He is in control and knows exactly what He is doing in my life.
I go into such deep thoughts of exactly how this or that might thwart my plans, if it happens in such and such a way. Really, all of these variables are so far from my control that it is positively futile, wasteful, and foolish (not to mention the wicked, sinful part of it) to dwell on such things.
In the Bible, and throughout the history of mankind, humans have looked for ways to know and control the future. This photograph initially reminded me of Snow White and wicked Queen's "Mirror, Mirror on the wall" prophecies. In 2 Samuel, King Saul first got rid of all the witches and divination, and then found one to conjure up the deceased Prophet Samuel for Saul to inquire of him. Even in the New Testament book of Acts, a slave girl was a profitable asset for her masters, as she would tell fortunes, and her masters lashed out at the disciples for casting out the evil spirits. After Jesus rose from the dead and instituted his Church on earth, there were many factions of "believers" who sought special revelations, new insights, and individual mystical experiences of faith beyond what was held in trust through the written and spoken Word of God in the Church. These Gnostics existed from day one until today. We all want to know the future, the special mysteries of the future. Many people grow obsessed and enter into unhealthy practices of many sorts, such as geneologies, numerical and astrological obsessions, all of which just distract from Christ. And really, they are all means through which we try to control the future. We cannot manipulate, control, or understand the immense and perfect mind of the Creator. We need to rest and trust in his consummate Goodness, Beauty, and Truth.
Lord, help me to trust you in every moment of my life with every intention of my mind, and every act of my will. Give me the grace to continue to trust you and not struggle to maintain control of my life and my future.
The risks and hardships of 18th Century America were many. Tragedy occured on a daily basis..lives were lost through warfare, accidents and illness. Survivors, by their nature, had to accept, and continue with their lives. Bryant White
My first room in DC...I thought I could live permanently without a bed.
GW Campus...It's way cooler now!
In two weeks, my youngest brother, Paul, will be moving into the dorms at GW. I am so very excited to have him in DC with me. While I love this city and all it has to offer and all the people it brings together, there is one thing it has NOT brought together: my family.
So Paul is transferring to GW to finish his degree in Security Studies. I am so happy. And apparently, so is GW. Since the last time I really payed attention to the goings-on in Foggy Bottom, a huge new (HUGE! NEW!) apartment/office building has been completed, along with a deli/cafe, Sweetgreen yogurt and salad restaurant, a fancy restaurant, a mediterranean restaurant, and a Whole Foods. These are just beginning to open up, one at a time, and the Whole Foods will be open the day before Paul's birthday. I am not sure if he will be looking for a job, but that would be a great one!
Also, I can't wait for him to learn about Gelman library, and its attache, Starbucks (Gelbucks). I love this library. It is teeming with people and there are all sorts of arrangements of study rooms, open space, tables, desks, comfy chairs, couches, loud rooms and quiet rooms, laptop rooms and no-laptop-rooms, undergraduate and graduate rooms, pretty much anything you can imagine. The library is open from 7:30am to midnight during the summer and 24 hours during the school year I think (I try NOT to be in the library in the middle of the night--ever!) and the Starbucks is also 24 hours and is probably the busiest one in the country. Not great for studying, but it is great for picking up on the local college culture and flavor, which is much to be had!
Paul, GW and DC and I welcome you here! I wish I could be here to get you from the Airport but I will be in Yosemite :( But you will be able to get situated and all set on your own! I love you! Can't wait to see you! I am already trying to think of a tradition we can start....like I take you to lunch every Sunday or brunch after morning church maybe. We shall see!
Up to this point I have really glossed quickly through the first part of my spiritual autobiography. There’s more that could be said, of course, but the more interesting part is what has been happening in the past years and currently.
I was completely content with being open minded and agnostic regarding the ranking of churches or Christian denominations and traditions as “better/worse” than others, at least with regard to orthodox, evangelical Christian churches. I see God moving and working in a wide spectrum of good churches in this city that all cater to a different demographic and have a different worship style.
But as I grow more mature in my faith, I began to be unsettled with my ‘agnostic’ view regarding important practices of faith such as communion, baptism, ‘steps for salvation’ and other social norms such as alcohol use and birth control. I came to a point where I wanted to know what I believed about these issues. And “seeing both sides” wasn’t working for me anymore as a well-informed Christian. I don’t tend toward dogmatism, and wouldn’t necessarily impose my determination on others, but I thought I should know what position I believed was the most supportable by Scripture. How should I reach a conclusion? One insightful way is to look at what the Christians who lived closest to Jesus’s time believed about these otherwise up-for-debate issues.
Providentially, some friends in a small discipleship group suggested that we spend the summer studying the Early Church fathers. Basically, this refers to the men and women who lived during Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection and learned from Jesus himself (Apostolic Church Fathers), and the individuals who learned from the twelve disciples (Ante-Nicene Church Fathers) and the future leaders that they mentored and taught. This takes us from the years of Christ through the Council of Nicea which determined the creeds of the Church, and the foundational doctrine of what Christians believe from that time until today. The years in question are 0-330 or so.
While I haven’t been able to delve deeply into what they believed about the certain subjects in question, I have been astounded by the implications of the early church. In looking at early Christian Church history, it does appear to me that there was only one single formal Christian Church from the time of Christ’s resurrection to the 1500s when the protestant reformation occurred. That was 1500 years of unity before the schism that sent Christianity in several directions, many of them dying and unglorifying offshoots, such as the relativist, unorthodox mainline denominations who do not view the Bible as objectively true and authoritative.
This raises an interesting question of how we think of and read the church fathers. We trust them to establish orthodox creeds of the church, to eventually compile scripture and to pass on the teaching from Christ to his disciples, to their disciples, and down the line. So, should what the church fathers believe about the spiritual practices in question inform our own understanding of how Christ wants his people and his church to act? For example, did they believe in the Real Presence (literal presence of Christ’s body and blood) in Communion? How, then, can we claim that it is a symbol?
And more interesting for a protestant, what happens if the early church fathers regularly accepted, believed in, and engaged in practices that the protestant church later spurned during the reformation? If early Christians we deeply trust did such things as praying for the deceased, praying to the saints, holding traditions about Mary’s ever-virginity, and her sinlessness and lack of mortal death, should we then also believe those things?
I don’t know, but the Church History discussion has kept the wheels turning in my mind. More on my current spiritual growth spurt in Part Three. And I think that’s it for the Church history bit.
The following chapter from “The Inner Life” by Thomas a Kempis is the most amazing few paragraphs I have read regarding “the fear of man versus the fear of God.” It is so easy for me to seek affirmation from others, when I should be more mindful that I am blessed, chosen, adopted, accepted, redeemed and forgiven by God (Ephesians 1:3-7). One thing I have been struggling with lately is how much my own self regard is tied to the good opinion of others. But I am not alone in this. Even Lizzie Bennett in Pride and Prejudice is also known to fear the opinion of a certain Fitzwilliam Darcy. Like the refrain in my head, Lizzie states, “I cannot bear to think that he is alive in the world and thinking ill of me.” Oh Lizzie! It doesn’t matter who thinks ill of you when you know what God thinks of you; that he judges and looks upon the heart. I need someone to instruct me in this way. I will leave it to these prescient words from an ancient saint circa 1380.
On the Uses of Adversity, The Inner Life
"It is good for us to encounter troubles and adversity from time to time, for trouble often compels a man to search his own heart. It reminds him that he is an exile here, and that he can put his trust in nothing in this world. It is good, too, that we sometimes suffer opposition, and that men think ill of us and misjudge us, even when we do and mean well. Such things are an aid to humility, and preserve us from pride and vainglory. For we more readily turn to God as our inward witness, when men despise us and think no good of us.
A man should therefore place such complete trust in God, that he has no need of comfort from men. When a good man is troubled, tempted, or vexed by evil thoughts, he comes more clearly than ever to realize his need of God, without whom he can do nothing good. Then, as he grieves and laments his lot, he turns to prayer amid his misfortunes. He is weary of life and longs for death to release him, that he may be dissolved, and be with Christ. It is then that he knows with certainty that there can be no complete security nor perfect peace in his life."
These are two sonnets I wrote about forgiveness, grace, and bitterness. The first one was written in February, and the second, this week. Obviously, I still struggle with this concept.
The first is loosely based on two stories: Steven Curtis Chapman's family struggle, and the Prodigal Son. The second is a glimpse from the perspective of the 'unforgiven.'
Grace is Enough
Dad threw his weight upon his boy who killed
His baby sister as he drove from home.
Dad pinned him, poured out prayers that he'd "Be filled
With peace...grace...peace...grace...peace...grace...peace"-- God's poem.
Righteous father peered out in expectance.
Errant child though he was, he was dear loved.
Sloth and greed could not sear family bond, hence
man flew son-ward; with grace estrangement shoved.
The prodigal in guilt or innocence
is overwhelmed, awash in flood of grace.
Yet my ugliness--my most feared essence--
pure snow in bloodied eclipse of Christ's face.
Can't earn your faith, though I fight, I can't win;
Your love covers my multitudes of sin. - JTG, February 2011
Bitterness Destroys
The wisdom says that unforgiveness is
a noose around the unforgiving’s neck.
That she alone is hurt by bitterness
no plank she sees; obsessed with my eye speck.
I dare to say this wisdom is foolish;
While, yes, the unforgiving is a slave
to wounding; she also damns and inflicts
Much pain and shame each moment grace not gave.
Repentant sinners we all are, what ruth
in not extending mercy to others;
Look to see the best, which is often Truth
For Love looks not to hurt, but love covers.
For sinner’s part, I must examine aim:
Does want of good opinion drive my shame? -JTG, July 2011
My parents were raised Catholic and married in the Catholic Church. Accordingly, all four of their children were baptized Catholic and received the sacraments through First Communion in second grade. We went to catechism. I don’t remember anything at all from CCD except the story of the rich man and Lazarus (a rather jarring story, to say the least!) as recorded in all four Gospels.
I was an altar girl along with my sister, and we were at church very often. I remember going with my father to “empty” churches during the day for him to pray. I knew the rules, the words, and the traditions.
When I was in fourth grade, I went to a Christian summer camp and met other people who were on fire for Jesus. I loved camp and really came into a deeper knowledge of my faith there. I associated true Christian life and reality with that experience; it was transformative.
I went to a new school in a new town the next year and my parents started trying out protestant churches which had more opportunities for families such as vacation Bible school, and summer camps and youth groups. Once all four of the kids had received our first communion, we started going full time to Clovis Evangelical Free Church. Aside from Mass attendance, we stopped participating with the catholic church. At school and at youth group, I was the one always standing up for the Catholics (using the limited knowledge I had, which was indeed a very evangelical view of Catholicism because my parents were more protestant-leaning in their Catholicism in terms of certain prayer practices).
Those years, probably age 11 through 26-- so a full 15 years-- I was hard core protestant, with Catholic sympathies. I was a questioner and inquisitive and smart, and had a decent foundation in the Bible and prayer. And I never thought I would be interested in seriously converting to Catholicism, mainly because I didn’t personally know any Catholics whose faith I admired. At all.
As an adult, and a new resident to Washington DC, I came to love and accept the whole body of Christian believers of all styles, denominations, traditions, and practices. I made friends with charismatics, theater-church people, mega church attendees, old school liturgical churches, reformed theologians, and of course Catholics. I got involved in an evangelical Anglican church affiliated with the Rwandan Anglican Church.
Like me, my family and everyone I knew thought this was great that I found a Bible believing and preaching church that taught Jesus and had orthodox views. I was fully able to embrace any church and person who loved Jesus and had orthodox views of the Trinity, Jesus, sin and grace, and salvation, etc. This included Catholics and all varieties of evangelical protestant churches.
I fully agreed with my Church’s statement that while we must be firm and united with the ancient Christians in the “essentials” of Christianity, we have freedom to agree to disagree on the “distinctives” of each denomination and their beliefs on baptism, communion, singing, dancing, alcohol consumption, etc.
I am not quite sure what is happening, but somewhere along the line, my thoughts started to change…
I have a friend who has been looking for a new job in a new field for a long time. In fact, not only was he looking for a job, but he was looking for a job in a new town, across the country, where his girlfriend grew up. His plan was always to look for a job there, and then once the job was secured, he would propose and marry that girl! So after a diligent season of searching, my friend got a job! And he just told me he has proposed, and she accepted! This is amazing and Providential. I thank God that I have been able to witness this entire series of events in his life. It has not been easy, I am sure, to live in such long-standing uncertainty, but he has been faithful to God, and God has been infinitely faithful to provide. God sometimes asks for a little patience, but then mightily moves on our behalf once things align with His Will. What an amazing testimony! Thanks for living out your faith, friend! And God, WOW!
I love this photo. It is one of my favorite photos of me, because, well, I am in it, yet I am not, really. It is interesting to think that a tiny sliver of my face is actually recognizable as me. We are in our very nature ourselves and our appearance carries so much power...although it is just the skin covering our souls. Anyway, do you see me? I so see myself but at the same time almost completely miss it.
Today my mind has been stuck in memories and remembrances. I am living in Fantasyland and have high hopes for many things. But tomorrow, I know that the things I cannot control will disappoint me and I will come crashing down. So I am praying in advance of that crash. If you could pray for me, I could really use it!
Thanks friends!
I guess here's another reason to write a blog: prayer requests! Random visitors to this site who stumble on it accidentally, I welcome your prayers too!
The Relinquished Life. Galatians 2:20. My Utmost For His Highest Art, marklawrencegallery.com
I am dealing with some very big lies in my life that have been with me since childhood. Namely, that I am a very hurtful person, disguised by a façade of kindness and Godliness. Let me explain.
I was the oldest of four children, very dominant and strong willed. I was smart, crafty, selfish, and manipulative. I got what I wanted, and I usually dominated by siblings and exasperated my parents to get it. This continued until I was a young adult going to college. I remember in high school, one boy that I had a crush on told me, “you are the meanest nice person I know; or the nicest mean person I know.” That hurt!
Then I had the knowledge that I hurt one of my classmates so much that he wanted to end his life. I recall horrible names I used to call other people, and all the mean thoughts I had in my head toward them.
But when I fully surrendered my heart to the Lord, everything changed. My words, mouth, and mind—which are my strongest gifts from God—had been held hostage by the devil and used for his purposes. Once I determined to take them back and use them for good, my words, thoughts, and communications have been full of light and life. I was redeemed from the old Juliet, and as it says in Galatians 2:2—my old nature was literally dead , crucified with Christ, and it was no longer me who lived, but Christ who enlivened my body and illumined my thoughts.
Yet, sometimes the people “who knew me when” recall me as the hurtful person that I was, and that image (false image!) of myself pre-Christformation returns and makes me feel and see myself as mean, dark, hurtful and selfish. I completely forget that my old self is buried in the shadow of the Cross.
But more or less I have moved completely forward since everyone I know now, at least in DC, has only known me in my true form (redeemed by Christ).
But my recent relationship ending has caused major ripple effects in this pattern in my life, and disconcerting fears have surfaced. Accusations of the enemy have returned full force in my life, accusing me of hurtful and ungodly actions and behavior. This has been extremely trying for me and is a struggle between my flesh and spirit, the old, crucified Juliet, and the Juliet of Blood who has been raised to life in Christ.
How to get rid of this haunting accusation from the past? TO BE CONTINUED….
Planned Parenthood operates on public property. Therefore, all citizens are able to freely stand and congregate in the space. Many pro-life individuals, like me, do so on a regular basis, to bring a prayerful presence to the property. About a month ago, Planned Parenthood had a landscaper come in and replace the grass we used to gather and pray on, with bark and bushes and plants. Someone said the rose bushes have thorns. They are not big enough yet to really observe the thorns, but my newest prayer is that they will miraculously never appear!
While many fellow pro-lifers were upset and dismayed by this change of landscape, I see some symbolism of God’s sovereignty in it. Take a look at what I wrote while I was praying there yesterday:
Paul Planted, Silas Watered, but God Gives the Growth (1 Corinthians 3:6)
A Sonnet by JTG
The seeds we’ve planted through prayer have sprouted.
Bark, bushes and roses—our evidence.
Hark! God’s sovereign life-giving’s here touted,
Growth outside death’s door is God’s providence.
Change stirs all-round in my deep soul as well
God’s altered my heart as I prayed for theirs.
I must hope same power changes, fears quell
Hearts far from Love, Truth—moms, dad, volunteers.
Our prayers poured forth now are seeds for “someday”
These babes—born or not—are in our lineage.
In our spiritual heritage of faith
We’re Godparents, and our prayers build a bridge.
Paul plants, Silas waters, but Jesus grows (1 Cor. 3:6)
Lord, let bushes have no thorns on the roses.
If possible, I think the actual church is even more lovely
Last night, I went to bed earlier than usual. I had an amazing dream that I was rescuing a child that had drowned. For some reason, everyone assumed the child was dead, but when I was holding it, I sensed that it was barely alive and I urged the medics to check. Sure enough, the baby survived!
Then I woke up to the sound of singing outside of my window. Yes, singing, like a choir. It was beautiful and really compelling, so I raised my blinds and tried to see out. What I saw was maybe the most amazing, astounding, and beautiful scene I may have ever seen. It is something made even more meaningful by the fact that I woke up from a dream to this reality.
Apparently, as I vaguely recalled, there was a late night wedding at the church across the street. I had seen people shuffle into the hall around 8:15pm or so, and now it was 11:30pm. When I was awakened and looked out my window, about twenty people gathered on the church stairs—mostly the bridal party, it looked like—and the married couple was getting ready to leave the ceremony. And before they did so, the friends and family standing around sang a hauntingly beautiful hymn in another language (probably Latin, I suppose). It was dark outside, they were illumined by streetlights on my picturesque neighborhood block outside of a gorgeous church, and the song was so simple, beautiful, and probably some kind of blessing. Then they prayed to complete the blessing, and the couple got into the “just married” car and drove off.
When people ask me what music I like, I am always at a loss. I don’t consider myself to have any semblance of sophisticated or unique taste in music. I also suppose that what I “like” and what I “listen to” often differ because my soul cannot stomach a lot of the “sounds” that I like. For example, I like the sound of many songs that Rihanna sings,but I get creeped out and distressed if I listen to the dark and broody lyrics for any amount of time. But on the other hand, I listen to a lot of worship music because I need it to be in the background of my mind although the sound at hand is not my preference.
So instead of determining what categories of music and sound I like, I will give the demonstrative account of what music I like by listing the albums I have actually spent money on in the past year. I rarely buy music, and when I do, it is on iTunes, so this really is reflective of what I “love.” And thus, I guess it is the type and style of music I like, since I did, in fact, buy it. Okay. In order from newest (this week) to oldest (about 12 months ago).
Artist: Album
Natalie Grant: Love Revolution
Matt Maher: Empty and Beautiful
Mandisa: What if We Were Real
Soul Surfer: Original Motion Picture Score
Soul Surfer: Music from the Motion Picture
Cece Winans: Thy Kingdom Come
Josh Turner: Your Man
Sara Groves: Tell Me What You Know
50 Greatest Pieces of Classical Music
Step Up 3D: Soundtrack
Tenth Avenue North: Light Meets Dark
Sara Groves: Fireflies and Songs
Brad Paisley: Time Well Wasted
Matt Maher: Alive Again
David Crowder Band: Church Music
Michael Card: Joy in the Journey
My favorite?
This CD is un-be-lievable. And his concerts are even more so. I love it.
To me, very very little could be worth the heartache I have felt. But I do believe that God would not let me walk through something this hard without a blessing on the other side.
And I don’t know what the point was, or what blessing and lesson will turn up. But I have observed that since I am now single again, I have had much more opportunity all of a sudden to do “teaching” sort of things. The thing is, I would have had in all probability, the same opportunity if I were still dating him. But for whatever reason, they are all turning up now.
As in past experiences, it takes a life experience to get me into the throes of otherwise dry theological study. When I was a friend to several Mormons, I started to look into why I believe in the trinity, what I believe about heaven and continuing revelation, and became more largely literate of scripture.
More lately, my good friends are Catholic, and that has also caused me to dive more deeply into church history, the sufficiency of Scripture and Tradition, Church Authority, Apostolic Succession, as well as the issues I really have trouble with—the elevation of certain human creatures above others of us. I still don’t ultimately know what course this will take in my life. But I am learning and growing and feel a great stirring in my life, and I see both sides (Protestantism and Catholicism) more clearly than before. But neither compels me over the other. God will show me the way, however.
The interesting thing, though, is that in the wake of all this awfulness of the last few months, I am really learning more about my gifts and actually getting to put them into practice unlike before. And it is also further confirmation in my mind that I want to be a Professor and teach college students.
-Institutes a policy toward Christians not to seek Christians out, but if they were brought before the authorities they were to be punished, usually executed, for being Christians.
AD 120-140: Polycarp wrote letter to the Philippians.
AD 144: Marcion excommunicated
-Heretic, creator of widespread heresy Marcionism. Rejects the Old Testament, rejects most of the New Testament, and teaches that Christ only appeared to be human. His challenge helps the church realize the necessity of formally recognizing the canon
-Ante-Nicene Era lasted from the death of Christ’s direct Apostles through the First Council of Nicaea
-Council of Nicea: Christian bishops convened in Nicaea, Turkey. The Council was the first effort to attain consensus in the church through an assembly representing all of Christendom.
I went to a “Miracle Service” last night in Washington DC. It was amazing, although I did not even stay for the healing part of it! There were people of all ages and walks of life, many with visible maladies and handicaps, and many who were seemingly perfectly healthy.
The evening started out with praise and worship, which is ALWAYS a good start to an event in my opinion. One thing that saddens me is that my church does not really worship with abandon. I appreciate the opportunity to do so, so I tend to seek outside worship services.
Then the speaker got up to preach. He has witnessed and documented the miraculous healings of over 30,000 people all over the world. He had footage of services in Africa, India, and elsewhere of people dancing and singing and praising God after various handicaps, deafness, blindness, etc. He had amazing stories. But one thing really stuck out to me about his sermon.
He was absolutely insistent that the burden and power of the healing is the resurrected Lord! We had to say over and over, Jesus is alive! And it is his power in us that raises the dead, creates and destroys diseases. And he commanded destruction of disease and creation of healing.
I am not a skeptic of supernatural things. But often I don’t have the faith to believe that it will happen to me. In short, I believe that Christ can and does do ALL THINGS. But it is more of a leap to expect it in my own life. I also deal with the difficulty of how people who need healing must feel if they are not healed after various attempts at healing prayer and miracle services such as the one last night.
The priest addressed all of my concerns and more. He said that all the faith we need is the faith of this leper in Matthew 8: “And, there was a leper that came and worshipped him, saying, Lord, if you will, you can heal me (of this disease)... And Jesus put forth his hand, and touched him, saying, I will; be made clean. And immediately his leprosy was cleansed.” The leper, like me, believed that the Lord CAN theoretically heal, but wasn’t convinced that God would heal HIM specifically. I think I fall into this trap often. But we need only the faith to believe that the Lord CAN heal. Because in reality, our faith is never enough. We will always fall short of not believing God enough. So our healing is not based on our measure of faith.
And as for the individuals who are disillusioned after many attempts at healing, the preacher cited the man in Acts who had been paralyzed from birth. This man sat at the temple gate day and day, week after week, year after year. He doubtless had attempted many times to be healed by Christ, but was overlooked each time he got his hopes up. But eventually, in Acts 3, Peter and John said to him, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” In commentary, the priest said, “To all of you who feel overlooked like this man did, you need to consider that Jesus did see him, and thought to himself, ‘Not just yet. I am saving you up for the book of Acts.” So, maybe the people were being saved up for last night…or future times. I liked that point.
Also, to the people who had been discouraged or dissuaded from hope by spiritual leaders and pastors, the priest sited the young boy with the five fishes and loaves of bread. In his naivete and innocence, the boy thought his offering was sufficient and wise. Yet it was the DISCIPLES who thought it foolish and unhelpful. They were the ones to nay-said the young boy. And Christ took that sacrifice and offering and made it wholly sufficient! The lesson here was that many individuals seek hope and healing, like the boy with the faith in Christ to multiply his offerings, yet have been shot down by spiritual leaders, to great detriment to their hope and faith. But you mustn’t regard them. The boy’s simple lunch was sufficient.
Those were some remarkable applications of Scripture to the healing service.
Also, the priest said that there are two things that keep people from being healed. The first is sin, and the second is unforgiveness. Repent of both of these things and confess them to God and other believers to be free. Then let healing flow through you through Christ in you, your hope of glory.
My friend mentioned, not rudely, that I am stoic (not A stoic, but stoic). I guess I am sometimes. About deep, heartfelt things going on within myself I can be. But generally I am more exuberant, I think. Hmmm...
Stoic definitions:
: not affected by or showing passion or feeling; especially: firmly restraining response to pain or distress
