To my dearest and closest friends, I wanted to share something with you.
There have been many circumstances-- both external and internal-- that made me decide that I would return to the Catholic Church.
I decided to do so on Monday, and made an appointment for Confession on Wednesday. I went and confessed and was therefore free to receive Communion, which I did on Thursday.
Someone asked me if it felt any different than taking Communion at my Anglican church. It did not. I firmly believe that although the elements of Communion may be substantively different at different churches, God honors a heart in the posture to receive him. My heart was receptive to him in the same way on Wednesday as it was the week before at Church of the Resurrection, but I have a different knowledge and understanding of the elements I am consuming now. I experienced a heightened reverence and expectation in my taking Communion, but I did not feel different. But feeling a certain way is not the goal, end, or proof of actions of faith, in my experience.
I can tell you that I did hear from God in a much easier, audible, direct, and intuitive way after taking Communion. I believe that this is because I obeyed Him in a way that was scary for me and required a big leap of faith. I essentially gave my “fiat” (a nugget of wisdom shared with me by a friend) and acted on the small mustard seed of faith and bowed before God’s nudging. I think He showed himself powerful and ever-loving to me in my act of submission, and that is why I heard from him in an extra-special way.
Meanwhile, I am meeting with the head Pastor from my Anglican church soon and I am going to tell him about this. Please pray for me to gain perspective and direction about what to do next. I need to talk and think and pray more about what to do about my current church, which I love. I am also extremely sensitive and cautious about sharing this information, NOT because I want to be secretive, but because I want to be private for now.
I don’t appreciate or want to participate in hearty community expressions of “oh good, now you are RIGHT, or you finally saw the light,” or other judgmental and xenophobic expressions that I don’t identify with at all. That will never be my heart for God’s people. So I want to kind of hibernate in my relationship with God and of course maintain my Godly friendships and community (all of which are outside of the walls of the Church building anyway) and not jump in and get involved in spreading the news that I have returned to the Catholic Church.
For me, what is important for people to know about me is that I am the same Juliet (or JuJuBee) as I was before. Just because I go to Mass and take Communion rather than staying in the pew, does not mean that my faith will change in any way but in expression. A seed of faith was planted in my heart as a child, and this is where the latest growth spurt of God-ordained maturity is taking me.
So thank you, friends, my beloved friends, for your generous, loving and wise spirits. I am only the woman I am today because of all of you!
Love,
Juliet
