My New Acquisitions!

So these beauties are not yet arranged and I still have my old dresser in my room, until someone comes to take it away, but for now, I am excited to share my new dressers (inherited from a dear old roommate who left on adventures in the Wild American West.) Just look and ooh and aah with me! Can't wait to arrange everything and then I will take more photos.

Emotional Chastity in the beginning of Romantic Relationships

This morning I got the following email from a friend:

I'm writing an article on emotional chastity, and my focus is the beginning of romantic relationships.  On our first few dates, we women often dream about how our date must be Mr. Right and as a consequence of our premature emotional attachments, the relationship either spins out of control or our hearts become unnecessarily wounded.  I am seeking to describe this phenomenon.
I am collecting ideas of the good and the ugly.  The good habits we women have to protect our hearts at the beginning of relationships, and the bad things we do that allow us to get carried away. 
Would you mind sharing your observations? I will not use anyone's names, I am just looking for ideas!  I also will not presume that what you share describes your own habits; I'm merely looking for trends of the woman's heart.  To get your wheels turning, here are a few I have in mind:

The ugly:

• Facebook stalking
• marrying him in our heads before we're asked on a second date
• evaluating how our first name will sound with his last
• imagining how beautiful "our" children would be.

The good:

• Keeping busy with other things
• Calling him back or texting him back only (never initiating contact)

So I responded with the following. I like this idea, and I do see it happen all too often. I think that I am quite good about having good boundaries and not letting myself get overly emotionally attached. So these are some of my own personal reflections, having talked many friends through relational turmoil.

The Ugly:
-Thinking, “Is he the ONE?” which no doubt translates through our expressions and words and puts too much pressure on the relationship
- Getting overly excited and eager to do “girlfriendly” things like bake for him and invite him to things. Until things are established, the girl MUST refrain from extending any offers of any kind.
- Googling/facebook stalking him, talking to other people to “find out” about him, over-examining all of your conversations, examining all of his relationships with other girls that you know (or don’t know) that he spends time with.
- Reading his blog, or anything that would give you insight into him that he himself did not share with you.
-Considering how your life stories/future career interests may or may not align
- being impressed by his resume, network, job, education, etc. rather than letting yourself get to know his personality and character.

The Good:
- Letting him take every step and letting his behavior be your guide (ie if he opens up, you can open up).
- Continue to maintain openness to dating other men until he defines your relationship (this one got me into trouble  before, but I still maintain that it is the way of wisdom, to protect your own heart)
- Never assume anything. Assume platonic friendship unless he says, with his mouth, in English, to YOU that he is interested in dating you.
- Be equally friendly and gracious to everyone until he defines your relationship.
- Respond to his emails and text messages to the same degree of frequency, length and speed to which he contacts you.
- Do not allow yourself to spend more than three days a week with him until you are significantly involved and boyfriend and girlfriend. Too much attachment can grow.
- Spend time with other people, not just on one-on-one dates
- Be friendly and open, but do not share personal hopes/fears/dreams/desires until you are dating and there is a safe space to do so.
- Do not talk overly much about your future in terms of marriage/children. It’s okay to mention in passing, but not to elaborate on it, and especially never ever mention “our” future until you are formally engaged!!!!!
- Say at the beginning of a formal dating relationship (after you are boyfriend/girlfriend) that you do not use the word “love” lightly and that you do not want a man to tell you he loves you until he is ready to commit to you. Even if he feels it, he must not say so unless he is ready to propose.
- Don’t think about marriage. Just don’t go there. Of course you would never date someone you could not potentially marry, but why think about it when you should be enjoying dating/being boyfriend and girlfriend, and getting to know one another.
- Beware that while marriage is the formal uniting of two into one flesh, the conjoining of two-becoming-one starts with mutual affection and attraction. Guard this very carefully and realize that the longer you are on the path to “becoming one” the harder it will be to separate and break up if marriage is not the ending of the relationship.
- Even the most chaste physical intimacy like hugging and kissing leads to greater emotional intimacy so guard this very, very carefully. It is like emotional super-glue and when a relationship breaks up, one’s body goes through a withdrawal from the other person that makes losing them so much harder.
- Talk to your confidants about the relationship (not everyone, just your trusted, wise counsel). Listen to them with an open mind!!!!! Hear their criticism and take it to heart. You should not be with someone who cannot stand up to (in your mind) your caring friends’ challenge.

I am sure there are MANY more, but these are the few I have for now.

I'm Coming Back to the Heart of Worship

I want all of my efforts to be about You, Jesus. There are so many readings and programs and pursuits that focus on Christian virtues, but they build up the self as opposed to the spirit.  I want to be holy and I want to know you more. I don’t want to be charming, or successful, or the perfect wife and mother. Those would be blessed outgrowths of my soul’s garden, but I don’t want to pursue those things. I think of you, Lord, and I sigh and I fall into your arms. You say, “Seek first the Kingdom of heaven, and all shall be added.”

In Augustine’s City of God, I read that the supreme good is eternal life, and the supreme evil is eternal death. We achieve eternal life by faith in Jesus Christ and living for Him. All good things are from him, and all virtues are good only insofar as they serve the chief good of eternal life. My graces, gifts, and virtues are, in and of themselves, futile. They are full of worth only when we use them for the greater glory of God, when we employ them toward the chief and final good. Helping the poor, being charming and gracious and lovely, and bearing children and submitting to a husband are good insofar as we are pursuing God and pursuing the supreme good of eternal life. All else is vain and meaningless.

I feel surrounded by self-help and self-promotion programs, not just among the secular world of Capitol Hill but also among the Christian community. There is a premium on being a light on a hill—a bright, achieving, and virtuous, shining example of a ‘be the best you can be’ Christian.

Well, I want to be alight in my heart, not a light on a hill. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, consume me and fill me with your love and your praise. I live to worship you!

Is Grace Accumulated through the Sacraments?

Bolded is me, regular font is a great, wise friend.

Do you think I should go to mass at lunch today?

If you want to! If you don't want to, then don't.

Haha, I don't know. I kind of want to and kind of don't.

I kind of just want to go get a sandwich and read a book

You know, God speaks to us in that way too!

But it would be good for my soul to go to mass

  :)

It's only good for your soul if you are going for completely right motives.

That is why I am not a big fan of the obligation-works-mentality. God moves our hearts in all ways. Not just at church.

This is very, very true.

But nothing is more powerful than the Real Presence in the Eucharist!

...and sometimes I am closer to God crying on my bed, and talking to God, who is inside of me! I am not "lacking" him by not going to communion every day.

That is just an added bonus, but God doesn't "wear off" if we don't go to communion every day

Haha true.

I don’t think the Eucharist is just an added bonus though, it's the essence of our faith!

Christ within us is the essence of our faith, and he is with us and will never leave us.

agreed...in part. Christ is with us, and he is most truly present in the Eucharist where he is present in body, blood soul and divinity. He is only present in the spiritual sense outside the sacraments. And while Christ is always knocking at our door, asking to be invited in, we can close the door on him, forcing him out. Thus he can leave our inner chamber through the force of our own will, but he will remain near, waiting patiently for us to invite him back in.

Yes, but the Eucharist does not "Wear off" in 24 hours. That is all I am saying. I don't have "less" of God right now then I did yesterday even though I haven't gone to Mass today.

Yes.. that's a very very interesting point

What  kind of grace is accumulated through regular reception of the sacraments, and what happens when we avoid the sacraments?

I want to get back to this! But I have to go to lunch now. Will write more after lunch!

I really enjoy these conversations with you. I hope you feel the same :)

Yes, I love them. I want to send you the lyrics to the Matt Maher communion song, because I think that is how I feel about daily communion.

me: http://www.songlyrics.com/matt-maher/remembrance-lyrics/

Basically, and I will write more later, for me taking the body and blood, soul and divinity is daily remembering and worshiping him. It is not like a transaction where I "get" something and then it wears off and I "get" it again.

I agree with that

 I see it as an accumulation of grace as well as a moment where we are invited into eternity.

After reflection, here is my final answer to the question “What kind of grace is accumulated through regular reception of the sacraments, and what happens when we avoid the sacraments?”

I think that regular reception of the sacraments is helpful insofar as you use it to clear away any barriers between you and Jesus (Confession) and worship him and participate in his death and resurrection in your heart through the body, blood, soul, and divinity (Eucharist). So these are helpful tools given by God to help us maintain the most close/intimate relationship possible with Jesus, meditating on him and worshiping Him in our hearts each moment, even supernaturally. As a result, we become more like him, and more sanctified.

I don’t think that going to Communion just once a week like the Catholic Church asks its flock to do is avoiding Communion at all. The Biblical mandate, according to my understanding is that we go to the Communion table regularly, like the early church did. “Regularly” can be determined on an individual basis, within reason (ie, at least once a week for a Catholic). But there is a reason even the most pious person would not go to Mass three times a day and take Communion three times a day. To do so would show a misunderstanding, and that Jesus’s presence in their life is contingent upon the constant consumption of His body.

Ultimately, I think that one should go to Confession and Communion as often as they feel personally desirous of it. Isn’t it technically, as a sacrament, an external sign of an invisible reality? Well, my internal reality is that I am in communion with Jesus, and as often as He makes me crave his physical body in the Eucharist is as often as I should go. My desire for Communion flows out of my worship and unity with Christ. That is how I approach it, rather than “I want closeness with Jesus so I am going to Communion.”

It’s probably different for everyone, but this is how I see it. People who perform acts of worship out of duty and obligation remind me of how a certain other friend told me that women who wear the veil in church are “holy.” My ultimate response is this: If a woman covers her head with the intention of bringing greater glory and honor to God in that small act of mortification, then it is a holy thing to do. But wearing a veil in and of itself has zero value unless it is motivated by a heartfelt conviction. Just like people who fast because they feel obligated to don’t receive the spiritual benefit of someone who purposely fasts to seeks the face of Christ and His will in a matter.

When It's All Been Said and Done

Watch the video here

When it's all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for you?

When it's all been said and done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I have done
For love's rewards
Will stand the test of time

Lord, your mercy is so great
That you look beyond our weakness
That you found purest gold in miry clay
Turning sinners into saints

I will always sing your praise
Here on earth and in heaven after
For you've joined me at my true home
When it's all been said and done
You're my life when life is gone...

Dear Friend

Dear Friend, 

You and I have an amazing mutual friend. This mutual friend knows me better than I know myself. He also knows you better than you know yourself. He knew us before we were even a twinkling, starry promise to Abraham. And even more than that, this mutual friend searches the deep things of God and knows God’s thoughts!!! Our mutual friend is the Holy Spirit, and He is everywhere one and the same. That means the revelation He graces you with, and the vision and hope He gives to me should be perfectly aligned if we truly listen to him. I continue to pray that I hear God clearly, purely, and rightly. And I am praying the same for you. Because the more we each individually hear from God, the more aligned our thoughts should be on the important issues currently dividing us, such as our view on friendship, mercy and grace, and forgiveness. It would be bewildering for us to not see eye to eye on these important topics, and this is why I would like to meet on Tuesday, and even more reason to pray first. I want to be empty of all my preconceived notions and prejudices and personal filters created by past wrongs, hurts, and sufferings. I want only to hear the pure, honeyed words of the Holy Spirit in my soul, and I believe that you and I can both reach healing and consensus on the issues that divide us. That is my heart and dream for our meeting. To be of one mind, as we are both driven and trained and loved and propelled by the Holy Spirit who is One, “everywhere one and the same.” He would not speak disparate messages in our individual hearts. 

more long hair...it's a good day!

No particular rhyme or reason........I just love it!

I Won't Give Up

I Won't Give Up
By Jason Mraz

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Cleansing from Sin

"The cleansing from sin we experience will reach to the heights and depths of our spirit IF we will "walk in the light as He is in the light."

The beauty and the mystery here is that Jesus Christ will cleanse us from all sin. But while the mark of sin will be removed by Christ, some of us will at some times receive a deeper and more thorough cleansing based on our walking closely to him. Some remain dulled from sin. I want to be completely transformed and made new and thoroughly cleansed from all the effects and remains of sin. 

Excerpt from (http://utmost.org/prayerful-inner-searching/) 

Do we believe that God can fortify and protect our thought processes

far beyond where we can go? “. . . the blood of Jesus Christ His Son

cleanses us from all sin” (1 John 1:7). If this verse means cleansing

only on our conscious level, may God have mercy on us. The man who has

been dulled by sin will say that he is not even conscious of it. But

the cleansing from sin we experience will reach to the heights and

depths of our spirit if we will “walk in the light as He is in the

light” (1 John 1:7). The same Spirit that fed the life of Jesus Christ

will feed the life of our spirit. It is only when we are protected by

God with the miraculous sacredness of the Holy Spirit that our spirit,

soul, and body can be preserved in pure uprightness until the coming

of Jesus-no longer condemned in God’s sight.

"Your arms, Jesus, which are the lift to carry me to heaven."

“We need no longer climb laboriously up flights of stairs; in well-to-do houses there are lifts. And I was determined to find a lift to carry me to Jesus, for I was far too small to climb the steep stairs of perfection. So I sought in Holy Scripture some idea of what this lift I wanted would be, and I read these words from the very mouth of eternal Wisdom: ‘Whosoever is a little one, let him come to me.’ I drew nearer to God, fully realizing that I had found what I was looking for. I also wanted to know how God would deal with a “little one,” so I continued my search and found this: ‘You shall be carried at the breasts and upon the knees; as one whom the mother caresseth, so will I comfort you.’ Never before had I been gladdened by such sweet and tender words. It is Your arms, Jesus, which are the lift to carry me to heaven. And so there is no need for me to grow up. In fact, just the opposite: I must stay little and become less and less. O God, you have gone beyond anything I hoped for and I will sing of Your mercies: ‘Thou hast taught me, O Lord, from my youth, and till now I have declared Thy wonderful works and shall do so unto old age and grey hairs.’”

-- The Story of a Soul

More on the Dignity of the Christian's Soul

“…I’m absolutely certain that people must tell their confessors of the longing they have to receive God. For he does not come down from heaven every day to lie in a golden ciborium*: He comes to find another heaven which is infinitely dearer to Him—the heaven of our souls, created in His image, the living temples of the adorable trinity.” –The Story of a Soul

*ciborium: container, normally a covered cup for holding hosts from the Christian eucharist, or a shape of Ancient Greek cup

You Have Never Talked to a Mere Mortal

“It may be possible for each to think too much of his own potential glory…it is hardly possible for him to think too often or too deeply about that of his neighbor. The load, or weight, or burden of my neighbor’s glory should be laid daily on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken. 

"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is in with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. 

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.

"This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously—no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner—no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment.

"Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbor, he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat—the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden.”

- C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory