Hostess Juliet

Jules Grun, "The Dinner Party"

I am continually trying to generate and stir up within myself (or rather pray for God to set and light the embers within myself) regarding hospitality and generosity. Last night at church, in talking to the pastor's daughter and mother, I discovered that it might be a bit troublesome for his 9-months pregnant wife to get the home ready for a dinner party on Friday night for newcomers to the church. They are renovating the house in preparation for the new baby, painting and making the basement inhabitable.

I knew right away that I ought to, and wanted to, volunteer my home for the occasion. But it took a lot of convincing for me to offer, and I am very glad that I did. But now I have to prepare. While I have had friends over, parties of large quantities of people, little girls' tea parties, and small groups over for dinner and festivities, never have I yet had a true, mature, adult, responsible dinner party. I mean....the pastors of my church and the new people! At least I don't have to cook much. I will probably do something, and provide drinks, ice cream, salad, pizza, etc. But I am at once scared and excited! Help me, Lord! At least I have friends that can help me, I am sure. 

Sonnets For Your Consideration

Dear, sweet Central California

Cowgirl-me

Maple-hued leather boots, soft, broken, scuffed

Hugs my arch with familiar, welcomed ease

Sends senses home to dusty, warm, and roughed

Yet beauteous and bountiful valleys.

The San Joaquin Valley is my mother;

She beckons through her fruitful, sun-kissed hearth

Bids me: “Tend, care, and cherish no other;

Heed sweet nurture in your here-cradled birth.”

Dear boots have travelled far with me from home.

Now my mark of styled art and flair, though

Shine with goodly ethos where I was grown

Dust of Valley fills my City’s hollow

Cowgirl in me, never stop your nudging;

City-girl-me needs meek, humble judging. 

At Harvard Square Starbucks where I wrote this Sonnet; Mommy was sitting behind me

A Sonnet from Cambridge

Show me inklings, Father, of what will come

As I sit amidst great minds at Harvard.

My worth, far more than name and status’ sum,

Stepping, reaching up, You draw me heav’n-ward.

Your plans for me are wise, faithful and true.

I trust, abide in You implicitly.

Regardless where I end, what I accrue,

You’re my harbor of true felicity.

Your ways are greater, thoughts are higher still

Than imagination could dream to pray.

Your Will pre-purposed shall my hands fulfill,

And mind speak forth what burden you convey

Spirit, I faint answer your commission

Come, breathe life through holy intercession!

-- (Based on Jeremiah 29:11, John 15:4, Isaiah 55:9, Ephesians 2:10, Romans 8:27)

Post-Thanksgiving Thankfulness

It’s Sunday morning, and I flew back from California Friday night. As soon as I walked in the door, my friend from church came to pick me up for a Thanksgiving Part II celebration, which was a time dedicated to the “thankfulness” part of the holiday. We sat around the living room and silently recalled what we have to thank God for, and then prayed aloud, thanking God for those provisions of a physical, object, or emotional nature. It was precious, and the prayers were deep and true and real. So many gifts, so many personalities, so many personal relationships with God were present in that place. Lovely.

In the beginning when we were silently musing, someone opened the front door and stepped in, and quickly said, “Oh, wrong house.” He must have thought we were CRAZY—all 10 of us sitting silently in a circle in a candlelit living room. Ha. Oh well, I choose to think and hope that maybe he saw angels in our midst, or at least a glow of holiness and love as God’s saints, his sons and daughters, called upon His name in thanks and prayer.

A Bright Star

Last night I watched the movie “Bright Star” in its entirety. I had sort-of watched it before but never from start to finish. It is a truly immensely romantic movie, in all of its subtleties. It centers on the friendship and love of John Keats and Fanny Brawne. Keats is mild and diffident in person, but the small intimacies and romantic fancies that he and Fanny share are so alive and endearing. I especially love how she shows her care for him, by sewing a pillow-slip for Keats’ brothers funeral encasement, and for bringing him “perfect” cookies in a “perfect” casing while young Keats is still ailing. She mends his threadbare jackets. He says at one point in the film,

Write me ever so few lines and tell me you will never forever be less kind to me than yesterday. You dazzled me.

I think that this movie speaks to me in large part because my primary love language is acts of service, and that element of their relationship was so strong, at least on Fanny’s part. That is how she showed her care and concern. It was a wonderful movie; and the latest in my literary life immersion which I have delved into lately.

It started by reading Frankenstein, then finishing Til We Have Faces, and Wuthering Heights. I am now reading Jane Eyre again. Then I need to finish The Idiot and The Picture of Dorian Gray. I am also going to read The Christmas Carol with a friend, an second annual tradition. I find, however, that whenever I re-read a favorite book, it all floods back to me and I remember the detail that I had thought I forgot. I also tend to enjoy the book less the second time. I guess it is because I am more circumspect about it- at least that was the case with Wuthering Heights.

I have also been writing a sonnet-a-day, or trying to get to that prolific level. The problem is that I don’t know how to improve something as subjective as poetry. I need advice on that end, so if you have any, or any articles to point me to, please do so! I will post one sonnet here for your investigation and analysis. And perhaps more in the future as seems appropriate to post.

Most worthwhile past time

Growing up I read voraciously. I read every book at the house and always wanted more. I loved getting a new book that I had carefully selected. I loved "sustained silent reading" in public schools-- it was actually called by that whole title. I was so into my books that I would laugh out loud and then be embarrassed because everyone looked at me. I read and was so pleased to finish each and every book. But I didn't read many classics. It was mostly Christian fiction, historical fiction, and award winning books for school.

My mind, imagination, and power of argument and writing jumped immeasurably during that period. I think that I can credit that activity with my love for learning and ideas. Of course, God has all credit for any good thing in me, but I do think that reading has greatly led to my strength of mind.

So headed into 2011, I have decided that my resolution will be to read only classic literature and fiction. No more "how to" type books or books "about" Christianity and God. Instead, I will read the Bible text itself or a really study-focused Bible Study for my small group. And plenty of fiction, which is where the mind really takes off and applies the situations and ironies and hypocrisies and lessons to life and relationships.

To this end, I downloaded--for free!-- Frankenstein, Wuthering Heights, The Portrait of a Lady, Anna Karenina, and The Idiot. I already finished Frankenstein, which had some amazing things to say about friendship and responsibility and nobility of character and sacrifice. I will post some quotes from it soon.

I am working on Les Miserables STILL and need to finish that next. Please ask me about it. I need to finish. It is great, but I am at a standstill. That shall occupy me this weekend, I think.

Looking forward to updating you all soon. Please let me know any recommendations you have for good fiction that edifies the mind and soul.

Back online

It must be a fall thing with me; the temperature starts going down and I start feeling a tiny bit melancholy and homesick. I retreat just a little bit, start looking at warm, fuzzy things to insulate my body during the winter months, and my palate starts wanting warmer, spicier food. So the late summer salads are making their way to more substantial options. I always get the urge to indulge my inner Martha Stewart, or someone similar but less austere as that great lady.

So to start things off, I invested a pittance in four ramekins from Marshalls. A small (3.99 for 4) investment, but with endless possibilities for appetizers, individualized breakfasts, or mostly desserts. I also looked at the miniature dutch ovens or casserole dishes, just to get a taste for them, but decided to move slowly. So I walked away with ramekins and an eagerness to make baked eggs on a layer of spinach and tomato for brunch the next day. The baked eggs were good, very interesting. I skipped the important parts that makes that dish decadent and very French: the cream and real butter that are poured liberally over the dish as it cooks. I am sure it would have been better with that extra fat, but the soft egg yolk adds the perfect amount of creaminess and lipid for me.

I was also shocked to see, in my recipe searches on Williams-Sonoma and Epicurious, that you can make your own yogurt. I was so excited. I have been an all to frequent visitor (and subsequently wealth squanderer) at Sweetgreen, the new "healthy" frozen yogurt and salad establishment less than a block away from me on Pennsylvania Ave (between 2nd and 3rd St Southeast). I just love the tangy, bare sweetness of the plain, frozen and greek yogurt varieties that have been popularized recently. So I have been stocking up on Greek yogurt, both the Fage and the Trader Joe's variety, recently to combat that urge to go buy it at the restaurant down the street. Still, even at the grocery store, it is a bit expensive and indulgent for me.

So I was excited to make my own, both for the financial savings, and the not-insignificant pleasure I get from making my own food, conducting "scientific" experiments, and manipulating ingredients and playing with the nutrient content of my food. (I think if ever I have the chance, I would love to study Molecular Gastronomy).

So I bought 1/2 gallon non-fat milk, Pectin, and a starter yogurt with live bacteria (I chose an all-natural version that boasts a variety of live/active cultures). I didn't have a thermometer, but I followed an online guideline that gave great time measurements for the different steps. I DID have to set my alarm to wake up two different times at night, but by this morning, I had made 1/2 gallon of plain, nonfat, delicious yogurt! So now I don't have to pay the prices or make the trek to the grocery store as often. That, especially, in the winter months coming up, is priceless.

Anyway, more adventures to come. Soon I will be rolling out my account of my Amy Grant history which was fulfilled in my attending her concert last Saturday. I actually have more to say about that than I thought I would. Talk to you soon.

Love,
Juliet

My Day of All Days...so far

Today is a significant day. And already three things have gone wrong.

First, after taking the time to put hot rollers in my hair to give me the perfect, big, bouncy, spring-y curls, I glanced out the window before I walked outside and noticed big drops of rain pouring down. Heavily. So I decided to go into work late, since I don’t have an umbrella and I really didn’t want to mess up my hair today. Not today. Not TODAY!

Second, as I walked into the Library of Congress security line, I put my purse and my coffee down to walk through the metal detector. I had my staff ID badge out so that when I beeped—and I always beep because of my shoes or my jewelry or all of the above—they would just wave me aside and wand me down in the simplest fashion. But, not today.

The police officer said, “Ma’am, your staff ID lets you get through without taking your shoes off, but you’ve got to take that necklace off. Sheesh…that’s bad; usually it’s a small necklace and then it’s okay, but that—THAT —is an egregious necklace. That’s bad…you have to take that off, there’s too much metal…that’s egregious.”

Wow, thanks, Mister. I get what you are saying, but my necklace is awesome and gorgeous and I love it. I will take it off and put it on the conveyer belt to go through the machine, but come on. It’s not a “bad, egregious” necklace. Whatever.

Third, my coworker and I made it 35 minutes late to an hour long Republican “Theme Team” meeting I had been anticipating all week. Once we got there, the event was strangely nowhere to be found. The good thing is that I didn’t miss it entirely. The bad thing is that it’s not today…its tomorrow.

So far, that’s my morning. Maybe tomorrow I will tell you about this evening. I am too excited to even write about it. And no, it’s not a date or anything like that.

New Book List

As I finish up my old list, I wanted to update you on the new list. See if you notice any changes in themes. More to come on that later.

The Unselfishness of God and How I Discovered It: Hannah Whitall Smith (1832-1911)
 Journey Against One Current: The Spiritual Autobiography of a Chinese Christian: Zhi-Dao "Julia" Duan
Girl Meets God: On the Path to a Spiritual Life: Lauren Winner
Robinson Crusoe: Daniel Defoe
Pipe Dreams: A Surfer's Journey: Kelly Slater

Good reminders

I am a person for God's own possession (1 Peter 2:9)
I am God's child, and I call Him Abba (Daddy) (Romans 8:15)
I am redeemed through Christ and have forgiveness (Ephesians 1:7)
God loves me, and I am precious in His sight (Isaiah 43:4)
I am lifted and carried by God through all trials (Isaiah 63:9)

WOW!

"Surface feelings can be changed, heightened, or numbed by our surroundings and by the things we watch, read, or talk about. When we rely on our feelings of dissatisfaction to determine how we will act or think, we toss God's Word and His power aside.

"As you continue to study the Word, ask God to reveal all that's mentioned there about His loving, tender feelings toward you and then rely on those feelings."

What personality type are you?

ENTJ - "Field Marshall". The basic driving force and need is to lead. Tend to seek a position of responsibility and enjoys being an executive. 1.8% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Is the Human Soul Infinite?

I just read this about being open, transparent, "naked" according to this author, and it was very challenging to me.

Being intimate in relationship is peeling back the layers, conversation after conversation, experience after experience, year after year. It's rooted in a belief that the soul has infinite depth and you'll never get to the bottom of it.

Our understanding of what it means to be open reflects what we believe about the human soul. Is it infinite? Or can you get to the end of a person? (Sex God: Rob Bell)

It is challenging because I know exactly what it is like to say to myself, "Okay; Stop. You know enough about the details of the other person. Now just coexist and relate within those bounds." Obviously, you cannot continue to grow in relationship and understanding with more than a few close friends and family members. But I think that I dismiss people at this point of surface understanding. And for the most part I am okay with that...it's natural and healthy. But there's a part of me that thinks that those people end there...that there is no more to know or discover.

I also have to question myself: do I think that there is an end of a person? I definitely act that way, about myself and others. But I think the answer to the question is NO. I don't think you can ever get to the essence of a person. I need to act that way, and to discover that about myself as well.

God's Workmanship

Ephesians 2:10 says that we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He prepared in advance for us to do.

I always focused on the latter part....that we are foreordained to do certain good works. But what has captured me the last few days is that we are God's workmanship.

What significance! We are God's workmanship. He is creating, recreating, shaping, molding, tutoring, guiding, and crafting us moment by moment. Nothing happens to us outside of His strong, controlled, creative hands. He's got the steadiest hand of any surgeon or sculptor. In the end, the masterpiece of our lives will far outshine the craftsmanship of the Sistine Chapel.

Hobbies, Laughter, and Fun

My life is a bit chaotic sometimes. It is divided into segments: work, school, church, socializing. And for the most part, I keep them all separate, because I like to have different spheres in my life, a separate entrance and exit for each.

But now I really want to find out more of who I am: beyond a hard worker who is passionate about faith and life and family and friends. I know that I have a sense of humor, and I can be funny around my good friends, but I cannot define my humor, and can't even tell you something that I think is funny. So my goal is to laugh more, and to find out what makes me laugh.

I also want to have fun doing different social hobbies. But I don't know what I like that I am good at. I used to love making cards and painting and drawing and making jewelry, but now it just seems like too much work and too many "parts" and things that I don't have. I like writing, but that's what I do for work and school and for Bible study, so the pleasure's not purely for fun.

I do know that I like "treasure hunting" through shopping, going through books and magazines and replicating beautiful things. I like being outside in the sun, I like being with other people and I like cooking. I like dancing and working out. But are these hobbies?

I am in search of hobbies (that I really don't have time for) and I am in search of laughter. Laughter is important, and sometimes I am so sick of being serious!

Hipster Puppies

No hablo Espanol

Despite growing up in California's Central San Joaquin Valley, I do not speak Spanish. I do not understand Spanish. I took a few years of it in high school, but that's about it. I am mostly just familiar with Mexican Food, which I love, and I have been craving like crazy while living here in DC.

But an amazing thing just happened. Amazing. I had to take a foreign language exam as a methods requirement for my PhD Program, and I PASSED! I am so grateful and thankful to Jesus for helping me, and for directing my mind and helping me discern the answers to the reading comprehension exam. I am so happy and pleased with the results...truly, it was a shot in the dark on this one. I had no way to methodically study for it, since it could have been on anything at all.

But, Praise God, I passed this hurdle. That means that I am 100 percent done with all classes, and this is what is left:

Pass my minor area comprehensive exam in May (in American Politics subfield)
Read the literature on religion and decision making in IR
Write a proposal/prospectus for my dissertation; defend it
Write my dissertation; defend it
Go on the job market!

Wow.....that is still a huge uphill battle, but I have been diligently and faithfully ticking off boxes as I go along. By the grace of God alone. "I can do all things through God who gives me strength."

Stylin' in DC

There's some interesting things to note about being both a student at GW and a staffer on Capitol Hill. The kids on campus, boys as well as girls, are absolutely stunning. Sorry, Fresno State, but the people at this school are so much better looking as a general rule. Perhaps it is because their parents have exponentially more money, and they wear Juicy Couture PJ's, as well as all the best designer shoes, bags, jackets, etc. Their makeup and accessorizing is to a T; not to mention that 18-22 year old beauty puts the rest to shame.

Meanwhile, on Capitol Hill, style is a manual you can buy at the office supply store. It doesn't exist. The interns look super trashy in their skimpy ensembles from the J.C.Penny's Juniors department....okay, we were all there at one time...and it seems like every time I walk into a briefing or meeting, its a flood of gray, black, and navy. I don't really ever feel inspired to wear unique clothes that appeal to me, because I don't think anyone would appreciate it-- not even me, when I am sitting at my desk, shivering because of the arctic temperatures that run throughout the federal building.

I have to admit to changing my style and my habits depending on where I am going...to work or to school. It has been good to be on campus-- despite being constantly aware of physical and material shortcomings, it has kept me on my toes of self expression through dress. And perhaps I get lazy and tired in dressing for work; the people I meet with deserve to meet with a staffer who gives 100 percent to being professional and well-dressed.

I don't have a solution yet, or even any normative thoughts on this reality...I just wanted to share. And I should also mention that the third place I dress differently for is church. It's tradition. My parents always instilled in me the desire to dress up for church, because we are "Going to God's house." And to this day, I want to "enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise." For that occassion, I will always don my partiest of party dresses. I love that.

Oh, wow. Did I just describe a psychology of dressing? Next up: the verse that talks about not worrying to wear; you know, the one about the lilies of the field.

I love the Library of Congress

Starting today, I am going to read one chapter each day of five vastly different books I checked out from the Library of Congress:

1. Soul Surfer: A True Story of Faith, Family, and Fighting to Get Back on the Board, a Bethany Hamilton Story
2. Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart
3. Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart
4. Shabby Chic: Treasure Hunting and Decorating Guide
5. Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality

More books on the way....lots to sift through here.

I'm a fan...favorite Olympian this round

He just seems so cool! I would love to meet any Olympian. There's not a more dedicated group of people out there, in my opinion. They have worked their hardest at whatever it is, and are not happy unless they are the best in the world at their particular sport.

Lord, what about him?

As an oldest child, I grew up constantly comparing myself, my benefits and responsibilities, privileges and punishments, with my siblings and my friends. I felt like I was not allowed to anything fun that my friends could do, like watch certain movies or TV shows, or spend the night at friends’ homes, stay out late, go on dates, wear certain clothes, etc.

But I specifically remember my parents telling me that I wasn’t allowed to do certain things because they were accountable to God for how they raised me, and God wouldn’t want me to see certain movies or listen to certain music. Of course, I challenged, “How to you know? Did God tell you that?” They said that even if He didn’t directly tell them so in an audible voice, He gave them reason and discernment to best raise us kids in a Godly manner. And they would have to answer to God for their decisions. 

My next line of questioning went something like this, “Well why would God tell you that I cannot do that, but tell other Christian parents that their kids can do that? Are you saying that you hear God correctly and that Pastor X doesn’t hear God correctly? Do you think you are holier or better than Pastor X?” (Oh, yeah, I was that bratty).

Still, I always wrestled with this question, and never felt quite comfortable with an answer. It is interesting to realize that different people are called to different standards of abstention of food, alcohol, media, etc, based on personal convictions and sensitivities. This is why we must be careful not to be a stumbling block to others. Although I don’t think it’s wrong to drink alcohol in moderation, if I will offend Christians who see it as wrong, I will not drink in front of them.

I think the life lesson came full circle for me today as I did my personal Bible study. I stumbled upon this passage from John 21:

“Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved (John) was following them. When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”

Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”

Because of this, the rumor spread among the brothers that this disciple would not die. But Jesus did not say that he would not die; he only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”  

My future kids probably won’t understand the message of this text. But that’s okay. Every time they compare, tattle, or challenge my personal convictions regarding the more permissive decisions of Christian living, I will let them copy and interpret this text over and over until it’s ingrained in their mindset. It would have helped me a lot.

Jesus tells Peter, “ …what is that to you? You must follow me.” 

Y'all, I'm addicted

Vocations, Callings, and Submission for Christian Women

Yesterday, my friend sent around a old article written by Dominican Priest and Trappist Monk Eugene Boylan. It was published in 1947, and has some very harsh things to say about women and our vocation. I have included relevant parts of the article here and then share my thoughts on the matter. What do you think? How do you respond?  

"The woman who marries, intending at all costs to retain her own career, or who absolutely refuses to be dependant on her husband, does not know the meaning either of Christian marriage or even of true human love. If she is in love with anybody, it is with herself. Marriage means abandoning one's self to enter into one new life, shared with her husband. There cannot be two "careers" where there is only one life. Nor can there be independence. For man and wife are dependant upon one another for everything. Where there is love, all joy or pleasure that cannot be shared, loses its value.

Angels

On Wednesday, I am going to a funeral for my boss's wife, Ethie. She died on Thursday after fighting ovarian cancer for three years.

I am really, really sad. My heart hurts and weeps for George and their son, King, age 11. Ethie was bright, beautiful, vibrant. Such a belle. And she must have been such a good woman because all through her sickness she had childhood friends come take care of her. If that doesn't say something about who she was, I don't know what does.

I know that this service will be really sad. Please pray for George and King Radanovich, for comfort and joy.

My sweet little tree house room

This is what I did during my snow day. Washed my linens, ironed them, organized, stuffed this comforter with a too-small, not puffy enough comforter. I think I need to get a king sized comforter to stuff in this home-made duvet. Overall, though, I love the cozy handiwork, and the window is actually open right now, in the midst of the February snow. And I, of course, am watching the whole, five hour Pride and Prejudice for the second time in five days. Snow, snow, go away.

But wouldn't it be hilarious to greet everyone with the Jane Austen-esque greeting of "Your parents are in good health, I hope?"

Love.

What should I wear today?

Wow....a friend forwarded this, and it is so true....ashamedly so. But a lot of it is true for me on some occasions. What about you?


The mathematical formula women apply in putting together the ideal outfit:
  
time of day
+ time of month
+ season
- what the other women at work wore yesterday
+ what you favorite fashion magazine proclaimed was the hottest trend
x how you feel today
+ how you want others to think you feel today
x where you're going
+ how long
x who you want to wish they were you
+ how much you want them to wonder how you could afford what you're wearing
- how much time you have to actually think about what you want to wear after you finish complaining about how few clothes you have
- the time you spend wondering how just last week you were a size less and today you can't get single leg into those new pants
_____________________
= The perfect outfit for the next eight hours!

Advice from women in Congress

“Look around—a roomful of men in navy blue suits! Women in politics hold a secret advantage over men: they can grab the attention of everyone around them by wearing a colorful outfit. I haven’t owned a blue suit since.” Representative Kay Granger (R-TX)

Many women in politics rely on “power dressing,” maintain a trustworthy community of family and friends and work hard to control their own image to advance their professional goals.

Many women note that when women surround themselves with supportive colleagues, they are more likely to take on bigger challenges and, consequently, more likely to succeed.

“A man is perceived to have natural strength that women are not automatically perceived to have, so I wanted to control my life. I didn’t want well-meaning people saying, ‘Oh, she has breast cancer, you shouldn’t ask her to do that.’ In the campaign I wanted to be the judge of how much I was comfortable doing and not have everyone else try and tell me how much I could do.”

“A woman’s natural instinct to hesitate and consider all of the ramifications before entering into a campaign may prevent her from getting a head start on a male opponent who may not have the same reservations.”

“I’m lucky…a lot of women can’t bring their kids to work. I prioritize more and use my time more wisely, because I don’t have a lot of it to waste.”

It is the skill set of forethought and multitasking that gives women an upper hand when it comes to politics.

Women are doing the work to get men elected. We need to get ourselves elected.

Female lawmakers agree that they should not only celebrate but leverage their differences from men to find success.

“Little lady, what qualifies you to run for the U.S. House of Representatives? Well, you know what? I’ve been the three-year old choir director, the room mother, the room-mother chairman, and the Girl Scout cookie mom, and if you can handle those jobs, you can handle the U.S. House of Representatives.” Representative Marsha Blackburn (R-TN)

My room with a view

This is the view out of my bedroom window on the third floor. I love actually seeing the flakes fall. It's so lovely. And I am so glad that I just have a short walk to my office. I am going to become a photojournalist of my life for you here, so stay tuned all my California friends who haven't been out to visit and see for yourself.

Russian Roulette with Rihanna

I have had such an interesting reaction to a new song by Rihanna called "Russian Roulette." There's something mysteriously compelling about it. I love and am so attracted to the sound of the song. It's intense and melodic and sounds a bit dark, just what I like. However, the lyrics are an anathema to me. It's so troubling, because she is engaging with one other individual in a game of Russian Roulette, where they each take turns pointing and shooting a gun loaded with a single bullet at each other until someone dies. The lyrics talk about her fear and trembling over this game, but she is not going to back down. One line says, "that he's here means he's never lost"

There is something so troubling to my soul about this song, but I am so drawn to it.....but I know I can't listen to it because it really gets to me and drags me down. I can't shake it when I hear it. That makes me think that it is spiritually charged. I guess that I should have the same reaction when I hear God glorifying music, not necessarily Christian music, but music that highlights the good and noble.

I wonder how my life would be different if I were to evaluate the spiritual valence of everything in my life. The good is a positive spiritual valence (every good and perfect gift comes from God), and everything bad is an evil spiritual valence.

I need to guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus and that means not letting this song into my life, even though I am so drawn to it for some reason.

God please reveal yourself to Rihanna and help that woman out of her disturbing music and video themes.

Hallelujah!

I passed my test. My friends, that was the hardest thing I have ever done. Thank you, Jesus.

Ad maiorem dei gloriam. (For the greater glory of God).

I will soon be back to post more about what's on my mind and what's next. Quickly, though, I will be working four days a week starting this week. So I will be trying to figure out a new groove for my life and studies. I think this is a growing opportunity.

Thanks for your support, beloveds!

Teetering

I feel like I am teetering on the edge of something BIG. On this side of this week, I am still young and small and inexperienced and finding my footing in my life and work and job and school. When I hear that I pass my test (God willing) I will actually feel like the accomplished adult that I have been becoming for the last five or so years. But I feel like it hinges here. I have been wafting around, waiting and floating...but as of yet there has been no point of identification or acknowledgment of what I have done in any tangible sense.

But I have poured hundreds, literally hundreds of hours into studying IR, and I know it well. Now I hope I am able to show it on my exam Friday.

Principal Agent theory

Discuss the promises and pitfalls of the use of principal-agent theories in international relations. 

PA is dominant approach to the study of delegation. Draws from rational choice theories, arguing that instrumentally rational actors (voters, legislators, states) delegate power to executive and judicial agents systematically in order to lower transaction costs of policymaking and in doing so, they tailor the discretion of their agents, systematically, as a function of several factors including the demand for credible commitments, demand for policy relevant information, and the expected gap between the preferences of the principals and agents.

St. Peter's at 5pm last night

Last night I was feeling especially selfish. I had passed by Catholic churches no less than three times yesterday as I was moving about town, and each time had shook the thought of entering from my mind.

But as I got home last night and the familiar mind-flurry of "what do I need, what do I want, what would satisfy me right now" hit me full force, I decided to skip across the street for 5 o'clock Mass at St. Peters. It is a such a familiar, safe, peaceful feeling for me to walk into a Catholic church. I did so every week growing up, from birth through sixth grade. Then my family started to go to a protestant church, which I love as well.

It is amazing to me how, though I have not gone faithfully to a Catholic service since I was 12, and I am now 25, I remember most of the words and recited prayers and responses. It is so important to develop habits and expectations and practices with young children, as they are so impressionable and it WILL stick with them. I think that this is why the Bible promises that if you "Train up a child in the way he should go, he will not depart from it." It's in his/her blood. If I ever have kids, I will definitely make faith part of the foundation of training I will provide them.

The sermon (Homily) was on two amazing passages from the Bible. The first was on the spiritual gifts of the Holy Spirit, such as words of wisdom, knowledge, faith, gifts of healing, miracles, prophecy, distinguishing of spirits, various kinds of tongues, interpretation of tongues (1 Corinthians 12).  I especially noticed the last verse in this reading, "But one and the same Holy Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually just as He wills." I know there is much discussion about these gifts and a lot of observations, predictions, and pontifications, but it all comes down to the fact that God distributes to each one individually just as He wills. We cannot limit God only to do what we think He wills.

The second was on the wedding feast at Cana, where Jesus performed his first public miracle (John 2). Father Byrne pointed out that this passage is symbolic of Jesus's death and his free flowing sacrificial blood that overflows to cover all sins of all people. It also showcases Jesus's tenderness and love for marriage among this young couple, and not only marriage of a young couple but a POOR young couple, because a rich couple would never run out of wine. So Jesus, on top of displaying His might, also provided lavishly for a poor young couple to make their wedding celebration a grand affair.

The way that these two readings came together was  though the mechanism of Mary's direction to the servants: "Do whatever He tells you." We need to remind ourselves of this...."do whatever He tells you." What is that? What are your gifts (from the 1 Corinthians reading)? How are you using your gifts in the Church? Can you sing, read, argue, speak, run, make a great pie, etc. But even more than just using your gifts to glorify God in the church, we must do something much more profound.

It is our calling and challenge and privilege to bring the transformation of the Eucharist (Sacrament of Communion) from the altar to the world around us. We are not just sharing our wealth, our baked goods, or our talent, but we are literally taking Communion to the people around us. That is how we truly bring glory to God through our gifts.

I am challenged. And somehow, not sure how yet, but I intend to bring my transformational Communion experience into my exam this week. I'll let you know what that looks like when I figure it out, if I figure it out.

Decision Making and Prospect Theory

Thanks to prospect theory, economists have come to recognize that the assumption that individuals behave as rational actors maximizing utilities is not descriptively accurate. Do you believe that political scientists have adequately adjusted their own approaches given what we now know about human behavior?

Prospect theory runs counter to traditional economic rationality, in that according to an economic rational choice model, actors have fixed preferences that they are able to rank order. Therefore, given a decision situation, there is a clear order of what decision would give the best outcome, and there is no variance in this preference ranking.

Eavesdropping

Sometimes I cannot believe what I hear. I am studying next to an individual who is talking on the phone through a full mouth of muffin. The person on the other end must really love her and know her very well to understand what she's saying, because I certainly cannot.

Then, she makes the point that, "No, you have to get out of the shower with the phone. Even the steam will hurt the phone. Get out of the shower with that phone." And I don't think that the conversational partner was a child.

Just another incredulous conversation on a glorious study day in DC. I'm enjoying upper Georgetown very much! Cheers!

Non-state Actors

Through what mechanisms can non-state actors influence world politics?  Give at least two concrete examples.  Then discuss the theoretical implications of these modes of influence.  What implications do they have for IR theory? 

Nonstate actors have unique and powerful qualities that shape state behavior. This essay will address ways in which nonstate actors such as NGOs, International NGOs, epistemic communities, and transnational activist networks influence the international system.

Bows and Flows of Angel Hair, and Ice Cream Castles In the Air

This is what my dreams looked like last night. I don’t think that I have ever dreamed about food before in my life. I must have been hungry. In my dream, my sister made me brownies with caramel and marshmallow, and of course it was delicious. Maybe it’s because I had a cookie after dinner…one of my favorites, from Firehook. Its an “Presidential Cookie,” complete with everything you could want. Oatmeal, chocolate chips, walnuts, dried cherries…and lots and lots of butter. And as a plus, it gave me sweet dreams.

In truth, though a puzzling night of sleep, it was a welcome respite from the heavy burdens that have been weighing on me lately. Not just my test, but other big things that my beloved friends and family are going through. I have felt the weight of these things in a heightened proportion the last few days. Part of me thinks that it is an attempt of the enemy to disturb my peace. But I won’t be rattled! I am focused, focused, focused on my exam. God can take care of everything,  of that I am certain, so I am laying my burdens, anxieties and cares at his more-than-capable feet.

I just listened to a song this morning on my ipod that asked, “who planted the trees,” prodding me to think about the world in its original, pristine form after creation. God planted the first trees. How incredible! Were it not for the first act, we wouldn’t have any today. For many across the world, trees are their livelihood, their shade, and sustainers of their economy and life. Thank you, God, for your creativity. You are quite the artist. And everything you created is utterly original. There was no model or prototype. You created, you breathed, you spoke and world came together.

…and then I panic about some test….silly me.

Hopefully my dreams are full of candyland adventures this next week. It sure beats waking up and pondering, worrying, or criticizing myself and these hardships.

Miss Dior

Love this whole look. So classic. Maybe once I'm a professor......one day.

Rationalism v Constructivism

To what extent is trying to synthesize rationalism and constructivism fruitful? Illustrate your points with specific examples.

The debate between constructivism and rationalism is currently the main theoretical divide in international relations. While the two schools of thought have important differences, they are by no means mutually exclusive, and should be combined in various cross cutting ways to have the greatest and most productive effect in the practice of international relations. This essay will discuss each school of thought, then contrast the ways that each school conceptualizes central concepts such as preferences, agency, and norms in international relations. Next, this essay will discuss various methods in which the two schools can be integrated in IR theory, which is best illustrated by the work on norm entrepreneurship in IR.

Facebook

I have decided to put a link to my blog on facebook. I am not sure if it will stay or not. But I want to be transparent and real with everyone in my life. If anyone even looks at this (assuming anyone is interested enough in my life to look at this), and has questions about my life or faith, please let me know. I would love to talk about it. Part of my resolution for this year was to engage in more "costly" relationships. Not that a blog interaction is "costly" at all, but it has forced me to be more transparent, just by the chance that anyone would want to read this and hold me to what I say.

My blog represents a part of what I think about, what I care about, what I love, and how I want to lead with my faith in all aspects of my life and follow Jesus Christ to the end. So here's to the journey...I'm a pilgrim.

My biggest fear (the fear of man) is that people will see this blog and think, "oh, I can't believe she would put her whole personal and private life online for others to see." I used to think this too, but I realized that I just want to share my heart with the people I care about, and I want to know and care about and love every individual that comes into my life.

Confidence

I love Washington DC. It is a beautiful place. After my exam, I am going to start carrying my camera around with me wherever I go. Because my "work" is mobile, I like to walk all over the city and plant myself and study in novel situations all the time. You would think that I would meet a lot of people this way, but it's not true. Maybe I need to be less consumed with my studying and pay more attention to those around me.

I also think that beside living in my self-inclusive world of studying where I am dead to everything around me, I need to practice and work on being more confident and assured as I engage with others. I don't mean "self-confident" necessarily, although that certainly helps; rather, I am talking about a deep, soulful confidence that makes other people feel comfortable with themselves, and also affords me power and boldness and the ability to call things to order. This is a spiritual and Christian principle as well, as the Bible talks about walking in the authority of the Scripture and power of the Holy Spirit. After the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples at Pentecost, the Acts of the Apostles happened. Peter, Paul, Stephen-- all walked in bold confidence, not in themselves, but in their Lord.

This confidence comes from trust, and a belief that God will come through for them, and God is for them.

I long to have this confidence, to call things that are not as though they are, to speak prophetically, to minister deeply, to lead people to Jesus Christ and help them follow him afterwards, to bind the work of the enemy, to loose forgiveness on those around me, and to be beholden to nothing but the Gospel of Christ and Him Crucified.

Polarity

Is it useful for international politics theorists to think of the contemporary international system as ‘unipolar’? Why or why not?

It is not useful to think of the contemporary international system as unipolar. Although there is widespread agreement among IR scholars and policymakers that the United States is the sole superpower and has been since the end of the Cold War, it is not analytically useful to focus IR analysis on the polarity debate.

Institutions/Organizations

1. Why would states choose to work through international institutions? Do the incentives differ for strong versus weak states?

States choose to work through international institutions for several reasons.

Winter Wardrobe v Summer Wardrobe

I just discovered a major difference between clothing choice in California versus DC. When I lived in California, I had one wardrobe consisting of all types of clothes that I loved. During the summer, I would wear the clothes with only shorts, sandals, and tanks as the base layers. In the winter, I would wear the same clothes, but with a sweater, cardigan, pants, tights or other clothes to make it work.

In DC, however, you pretty much need a completely different wardrobe for winter. It is not enough just to throw on a jacket (or two, or three) on top. You must fundamentally dress differently. So the peasant blouse that was so gorgeous in the summer is just not practical for winter, no matter how you layer it up.

"You're Here"

If you don't know Sixpence None the Richer, you are sadly missing out. Such SOULFUL, beautiful and spirit-revving music. Here's one of my favorites.

"You're Here" by Leigh Nash

My life is up and it is down
I try to keep both feet on the ground
Your love is all that gets me through
All I need on this earth is you

And I can hear your voice reciting:
"I'm here, I'm closer than your breath
I've conquered even death
I am still here
And just like I was then
You can't remember when I was not here"

Jesus, you're the author of my heart
Told me you wanted every part
And now my life and its demands
Are resting safety in your hands

And I can hear your voice inviting:
"I'm here,
I'll never leave your side
My stubborn weary child
I am still here
Please let me lead you on
Your race is already won
I am your God"

And I can hear your voice inviting:
"I'm here,
I'll never leave you side
My stubborn weary child
I am still here
Please let me lead you on
Your race is already won
I am...I am...your God"

The Sartorialist

I love fashion and beauty magazines, advertisements, really anything with engaging photographs of beautiful things. I wanted to share with you a very popular, mainstream blog I really like to look at,

THE SARTORIALIST

Here's a brief bio of the editor of the blog:

I started The Sartorialist simply to share photos of people that I saw on the streets of New York that I thought looked great. When I worked in the fashion industry (15 years), I always felt that there was a disconnect between what I was selling in the showroom and what I was seeing real people (really cool people) wearing in real life...

I thought I could shoot people on the street the way designers looked at people, and get and give inspiration to lots of people in the process. My only strategy when I began The Sartorialist was to try and shoot style in a way that I knew most designers hunted for inspiration. Rarely do they look at the whole outfit as a yes or no but they try and look for the abstract concepts of color, proportion, pattern mixing or mixed genres. I’m always really happy when I meet a designer and hear that they use some of my photos for their inspiration boards. At the same time I’m also really touched when I get emails from everyday people who say they have been inspired to see themselves and others in a new and usually more accepting way.

Check it out. I was especially inspired today because it shows people all bundled up and warm for the winter weather. Sometimes it's hard to feel lovely and fashion-forward when you are bundled up like a snowman in layers of puffy clothing and dripping scarves and tissues out of your pockets. But take a look.

I love the variety of style-types, fabrics, bodies, colors, and flares. I always appreciate a person whose look says, "Hello, I'm interesting and know what I want. And I want to share it with you. Take a look!"

Globalization

  People have been arguing about the consequences of globalization for at least two decades now. Characterize the debate as you see it

There are three strands of analysis on globalization: what does globalization mean for the nation state, what is the status of state security in the face of a global, borderless world, and what are the normative implications of globalization for weaker states? This paper will discuss the definition of globalization and the extent to which it exists in the modern world, and then address each concern in turn.

Globalization involves the cross-border flow of goods, services, money, people, information and culture. A truly globalized international system must involve multicontinental distances, and networks of connections and multiple relationships, not single linkages. For example, subcontinental or bilateral trade agreements are not indicative of globalization, nor are regional blocs of integration and exchange such as the European Union (Keohane and Nye).