I'm Coming Back to the Heart of Worship

I want all of my efforts to be about You, Jesus. There are so many readings and programs and pursuits that focus on Christian virtues, but they build up the self as opposed to the spirit.  I want to be holy and I want to know you more. I don’t want to be charming, or successful, or the perfect wife and mother. Those would be blessed outgrowths of my soul’s garden, but I don’t want to pursue those things. I think of you, Lord, and I sigh and I fall into your arms. You say, “Seek first the Kingdom of heaven, and all shall be added.”

In Augustine’s City of God, I read that the supreme good is eternal life, and the supreme evil is eternal death. We achieve eternal life by faith in Jesus Christ and living for Him. All good things are from him, and all virtues are good only insofar as they serve the chief good of eternal life. My graces, gifts, and virtues are, in and of themselves, futile. They are full of worth only when we use them for the greater glory of God, when we employ them toward the chief and final good. Helping the poor, being charming and gracious and lovely, and bearing children and submitting to a husband are good insofar as we are pursuing God and pursuing the supreme good of eternal life. All else is vain and meaningless.

I feel surrounded by self-help and self-promotion programs, not just among the secular world of Capitol Hill but also among the Christian community. There is a premium on being a light on a hill—a bright, achieving, and virtuous, shining example of a ‘be the best you can be’ Christian.

Well, I want to be alight in my heart, not a light on a hill. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, consume me and fill me with your love and your praise. I live to worship you!

Is Grace Accumulated through the Sacraments?

Bolded is me, regular font is a great, wise friend.

Do you think I should go to mass at lunch today?

If you want to! If you don't want to, then don't.

Haha, I don't know. I kind of want to and kind of don't.

I kind of just want to go get a sandwich and read a book

You know, God speaks to us in that way too!

But it would be good for my soul to go to mass

  :)

It's only good for your soul if you are going for completely right motives.

That is why I am not a big fan of the obligation-works-mentality. God moves our hearts in all ways. Not just at church.

This is very, very true.

But nothing is more powerful than the Real Presence in the Eucharist!

...and sometimes I am closer to God crying on my bed, and talking to God, who is inside of me! I am not "lacking" him by not going to communion every day.

That is just an added bonus, but God doesn't "wear off" if we don't go to communion every day

Haha true.

I don’t think the Eucharist is just an added bonus though, it's the essence of our faith!

Christ within us is the essence of our faith, and he is with us and will never leave us.

agreed...in part. Christ is with us, and he is most truly present in the Eucharist where he is present in body, blood soul and divinity. He is only present in the spiritual sense outside the sacraments. And while Christ is always knocking at our door, asking to be invited in, we can close the door on him, forcing him out. Thus he can leave our inner chamber through the force of our own will, but he will remain near, waiting patiently for us to invite him back in.

Yes, but the Eucharist does not "Wear off" in 24 hours. That is all I am saying. I don't have "less" of God right now then I did yesterday even though I haven't gone to Mass today.

Yes.. that's a very very interesting point

What  kind of grace is accumulated through regular reception of the sacraments, and what happens when we avoid the sacraments?

I want to get back to this! But I have to go to lunch now. Will write more after lunch!

I really enjoy these conversations with you. I hope you feel the same :)

Yes, I love them. I want to send you the lyrics to the Matt Maher communion song, because I think that is how I feel about daily communion.

me: http://www.songlyrics.com/matt-maher/remembrance-lyrics/

Basically, and I will write more later, for me taking the body and blood, soul and divinity is daily remembering and worshiping him. It is not like a transaction where I "get" something and then it wears off and I "get" it again.

I agree with that

 I see it as an accumulation of grace as well as a moment where we are invited into eternity.

After reflection, here is my final answer to the question “What kind of grace is accumulated through regular reception of the sacraments, and what happens when we avoid the sacraments?”

I think that regular reception of the sacraments is helpful insofar as you use it to clear away any barriers between you and Jesus (Confession) and worship him and participate in his death and resurrection in your heart through the body, blood, soul, and divinity (Eucharist). So these are helpful tools given by God to help us maintain the most close/intimate relationship possible with Jesus, meditating on him and worshiping Him in our hearts each moment, even supernaturally. As a result, we become more like him, and more sanctified.

I don’t think that going to Communion just once a week like the Catholic Church asks its flock to do is avoiding Communion at all. The Biblical mandate, according to my understanding is that we go to the Communion table regularly, like the early church did. “Regularly” can be determined on an individual basis, within reason (ie, at least once a week for a Catholic). But there is a reason even the most pious person would not go to Mass three times a day and take Communion three times a day. To do so would show a misunderstanding, and that Jesus’s presence in their life is contingent upon the constant consumption of His body.

Ultimately, I think that one should go to Confession and Communion as often as they feel personally desirous of it. Isn’t it technically, as a sacrament, an external sign of an invisible reality? Well, my internal reality is that I am in communion with Jesus, and as often as He makes me crave his physical body in the Eucharist is as often as I should go. My desire for Communion flows out of my worship and unity with Christ. That is how I approach it, rather than “I want closeness with Jesus so I am going to Communion.”

It’s probably different for everyone, but this is how I see it. People who perform acts of worship out of duty and obligation remind me of how a certain other friend told me that women who wear the veil in church are “holy.” My ultimate response is this: If a woman covers her head with the intention of bringing greater glory and honor to God in that small act of mortification, then it is a holy thing to do. But wearing a veil in and of itself has zero value unless it is motivated by a heartfelt conviction. Just like people who fast because they feel obligated to don’t receive the spiritual benefit of someone who purposely fasts to seeks the face of Christ and His will in a matter.

When It's All Been Said and Done

Watch the video here

When it's all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters
Did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for you?

When it's all been said and done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I have done
For love's rewards
Will stand the test of time

Lord, your mercy is so great
That you look beyond our weakness
That you found purest gold in miry clay
Turning sinners into saints

I will always sing your praise
Here on earth and in heaven after
For you've joined me at my true home
When it's all been said and done
You're my life when life is gone...

Dear Friend

Dear Friend, 

You and I have an amazing mutual friend. This mutual friend knows me better than I know myself. He also knows you better than you know yourself. He knew us before we were even a twinkling, starry promise to Abraham. And even more than that, this mutual friend searches the deep things of God and knows God’s thoughts!!! Our mutual friend is the Holy Spirit, and He is everywhere one and the same. That means the revelation He graces you with, and the vision and hope He gives to me should be perfectly aligned if we truly listen to him. I continue to pray that I hear God clearly, purely, and rightly. And I am praying the same for you. Because the more we each individually hear from God, the more aligned our thoughts should be on the important issues currently dividing us, such as our view on friendship, mercy and grace, and forgiveness. It would be bewildering for us to not see eye to eye on these important topics, and this is why I would like to meet on Tuesday, and even more reason to pray first. I want to be empty of all my preconceived notions and prejudices and personal filters created by past wrongs, hurts, and sufferings. I want only to hear the pure, honeyed words of the Holy Spirit in my soul, and I believe that you and I can both reach healing and consensus on the issues that divide us. That is my heart and dream for our meeting. To be of one mind, as we are both driven and trained and loved and propelled by the Holy Spirit who is One, “everywhere one and the same.” He would not speak disparate messages in our individual hearts. 

more long hair...it's a good day!

No particular rhyme or reason........I just love it!

I Won't Give Up

I Won't Give Up
By Jason Mraz

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Cleansing from Sin

"The cleansing from sin we experience will reach to the heights and depths of our spirit IF we will "walk in the light as He is in the light."

The beauty and the mystery here is that Jesus Christ will cleanse us from all sin. But while the mark of sin will be removed by Christ, some of us will at some times receive a deeper and more thorough cleansing based on our walking closely to him. Some remain dulled from sin. I want to be completely transformed and made new and thoroughly cleansed from all the effects and remains of sin. 

Excerpt from (http://utmost.org/prayerful-inner-searching/) 

Do we believe that God can fortify and protect our thought processes

far beyond where we can go? “. . . the blood of Jesus Christ His Son

cleanses us from all sin” (1 John 1:7). If this verse means cleansing

only on our conscious level, may God have mercy on us. The man who has

been dulled by sin will say that he is not even conscious of it. But

the cleansing from sin we experience will reach to the heights and

depths of our spirit if we will “walk in the light as He is in the

light” (1 John 1:7). The same Spirit that fed the life of Jesus Christ

will feed the life of our spirit. It is only when we are protected by

God with the miraculous sacredness of the Holy Spirit that our spirit,

soul, and body can be preserved in pure uprightness until the coming

of Jesus-no longer condemned in God’s sight.

"Your arms, Jesus, which are the lift to carry me to heaven."

“We need no longer climb laboriously up flights of stairs; in well-to-do houses there are lifts. And I was determined to find a lift to carry me to Jesus, for I was far too small to climb the steep stairs of perfection. So I sought in Holy Scripture some idea of what this lift I wanted would be, and I read these words from the very mouth of eternal Wisdom: ‘Whosoever is a little one, let him come to me.’ I drew nearer to God, fully realizing that I had found what I was looking for. I also wanted to know how God would deal with a “little one,” so I continued my search and found this: ‘You shall be carried at the breasts and upon the knees; as one whom the mother caresseth, so will I comfort you.’ Never before had I been gladdened by such sweet and tender words. It is Your arms, Jesus, which are the lift to carry me to heaven. And so there is no need for me to grow up. In fact, just the opposite: I must stay little and become less and less. O God, you have gone beyond anything I hoped for and I will sing of Your mercies: ‘Thou hast taught me, O Lord, from my youth, and till now I have declared Thy wonderful works and shall do so unto old age and grey hairs.’”

-- The Story of a Soul

More on the Dignity of the Christian's Soul

“…I’m absolutely certain that people must tell their confessors of the longing they have to receive God. For he does not come down from heaven every day to lie in a golden ciborium*: He comes to find another heaven which is infinitely dearer to Him—the heaven of our souls, created in His image, the living temples of the adorable trinity.” –The Story of a Soul

*ciborium: container, normally a covered cup for holding hosts from the Christian eucharist, or a shape of Ancient Greek cup

You Have Never Talked to a Mere Mortal

“It may be possible for each to think too much of his own potential glory…it is hardly possible for him to think too often or too deeply about that of his neighbor. The load, or weight, or burden of my neighbor’s glory should be laid daily on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken. 

"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is in with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. 

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.

"This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously—no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner—no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment.

"Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbor, he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat—the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden.”

- C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory 

Hats

"...Well, it don't stop

No, it's never gonna stop

Why do I have to wear 

So many things on my head? 

(Hats)

One day I'm a mother

One day I'm a lover

What am I supposed to do?

(Hats)

Working for a livin' 

All because I'm driven

To be the very best for you..."

- Hats, Amy Grant

Advice from a Famous Father

A quote from John Quincy Adams to his daughter:

"Daughter! Get you an honest man for a husband and keep him honest. No matter whether he is rich, provided he be independent. Regard the honor and moral character of the man, more than all other circumstances. Think of no other greatness but that of the soul, no other riches but those of the heart."

How Can I Turn My Room Into This?

Sonnet from the extra long airport layover

Thoughts of all I poured out in love to you

Depleted all my heart’s life blood; now faint

Whimpering, trying to arouse life anew.

Failing-- for you think you’re my sinners’ saint.

Won’t let you rule my healing—God controls

Me and I willfully obey my Lord.

A victim of no one I will take hold

Unnecessary to have your regard.

You took of me what you cannot return

Dishonorable toward my woman’s heart

Avowed promises of words and eyes spurned

Unable to fulfill the knightly art.

So much so wrong, why can’t I give you up?

From pangs within, my love, it still erupts.

Beautiful Song I Hesitate to Post

Every time this song comes on Pandora, I stop and listen to it. That is unusual for me-- I don't really appreciate music as much as I should and I rarely ever notice the lyrics. But for some reason, this one always gets me. I hesitate to post it, because I don't want anyone to infer any deep long lost romance from it. But for some reason, I love this song so very much. I don't have anything that "I never told" someone. But it is such an amazing song and I love it. And I like Colbie's hat...surprise, surprise. 

"I Never Told You"

Facebook and Me

I am seriously considering deactivating my Facebook account. But the problem is that I don’t want people to think that I defriended them, and I still want to receive messages and Facebook invitations to events. But I don’t like the time consuming aspect of Facebook and I need to refrain from commenting and using it for any reason except as an inbox. I don't know what to do. Any thoughts?

Spiritual Autobiography Part Three

To my dearest and closest friends, I wanted to share something with you.

There have been many circumstances-- both external and internal-- that made me decide that I would return to the Catholic Church.

I decided to do so on Monday, and made an appointment for Confession on Wednesday. I went and confessed and was therefore free to receive Communion, which I did on Thursday.

Someone asked me if it felt any different than taking Communion at my Anglican church. It did not. I firmly believe that although the elements of Communion may be substantively different at different churches, God honors a heart in the posture to receive him.  My heart was receptive to him in the same way on Wednesday as it was the week before at Church of the Resurrection, but I have a different knowledge and understanding of the elements I am consuming now. I experienced a heightened reverence and expectation in my taking Communion, but I did not feel different. But feeling a certain way is not the goal, end, or proof of actions of faith, in my experience.

I can tell you that I did hear from God in a much easier, audible, direct, and intuitive way after taking Communion. I believe that this is because I obeyed Him in a way that was scary for me and required a big leap of faith. I essentially gave my “fiat” (a nugget of wisdom shared with me by a friend) and acted on the small mustard seed of faith and bowed before God’s nudging. I think He showed himself powerful and ever-loving to me in my act of submission, and that is why I heard from him in an extra-special way.

Meanwhile, I am meeting with the head Pastor from my Anglican church soon and I am going to tell him about this. Please pray for me to gain perspective and direction about what to do next. I need to talk and think and pray more about what to do about my current church, which I love. I am also extremely sensitive and cautious about sharing this information, NOT because I want to be secretive, but because I want to be private for now.

I don’t appreciate or want to participate in hearty community expressions of “oh good, now you are RIGHT, or you finally saw the light,” or other judgmental and xenophobic expressions that I don’t identify with at all. That will never be my heart for God’s people. So I want to kind of hibernate in my relationship with God and of course maintain my Godly friendships and community (all of which are outside of the walls of the Church building anyway) and not jump in and get involved in spreading the news that I have returned to the Catholic Church.

For me, what is important for people to know about me is that I am the same Juliet (or JuJuBee) as I was before. Just because I go to Mass and take Communion rather than staying in the pew, does not mean that my faith will change in any way but in expression. A seed of faith was planted in my heart as a child, and this is where the latest growth spurt of God-ordained maturity is taking me.

So thank you, friends, my beloved friends, for your generous, loving and wise spirits. I am only the woman I am today because of all of you!

Love,

Juliet

Take that, iPod and Blackberry

"Our inventions are wont to be pretty toys, which distract our attention from serious things. They are but improved means to an unimproved end.” -- Henry David Thoreau (1854)

On the Importance of Loving Rightly

"Every person is what he loves. Love becomes like unto that which it loves. If it loves heaven, it becomes heavenly; if it loves the carnal as a god, it becomes corruptible. The kind of immortality we have depends on the kind of loves we have…the slow conversion of a subject into an object, of a lover into the beloved, of the miser into his gold, of the saint into his God, discloses the importance of loving the right things. The nobler our loves, the nobler our character. To love what is below the human is degradation; to love what is human for the sake of the human is mediocrity; to love the human for the sake of the Divine is enriching; to love the Divine for its own sake is sanctity."
--Fulton Sheen  

Just Around the Corner

I took a beautiful dress to an alterations shop last night. I am so excited to have a dress that is the perfect length and fits me perfectly. I will be wearing it in a wedding in three weeks (three weeks!!) in Tiburon, California. I am so excited. I love the dress, and I love the lady getting married and her very sweet, very loving fiancé. I also have loved getting to know her family better, and they are one of the very best families I have ever known.

I get to spend time with two of my close friends who will be staying with me at my aunt’s house, as well as see my aunt, my mom, and my little cousin. It will be a blast, and a house full of femininity, that is for sure. (My poor uncle!).

Confession

Dear Jesus, please forgive me for loving 'things' too much. I love some of my earrings and my clothes too much. I treasure and value and care for them, and I am thankful for them, because they are a gift from you. And I thank you for them. I pray that you remove any unwarranted attachment to them and help me to love you and not things.

Amen.

Thanks Be To God

Prayer for Humility

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,  
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside,  
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,  
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything,  
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should,  
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.